In great news to anyone who just wants to watch some sport, new legislature will require gambling ads to feature cautionary disclaimers other than ‘Gamble Responsibly’.

With gambling apps now a big business, anyone with a rich dad and connections to a former American sports star can start such a business and advertise to you until they are the sole beneficiary of your disposable income. 

In 2018-19, Aussies lost a combined total of $25 billion, prompting the government to do something about the pervasive gambling advertising that has wormed its way into our culture like a leech with a faux ocker accent.

Not only will ‘Gamble Responsibly’ be replaced by harsher disclaimers such as ‘Chances are you will lose your money’, but the legislature also demands that gambling companies at least try to make some funny fucken ads next year.

Not only are gambling ads so ingrained into sports coverage that anyone aged 13 or younger cannot remember a world without them, but the ads themselves are certified dog shit with their only use being able to identify brain injuries in anyone who actually laughs at them.

“Look, we get it, if advertising copywriters were actually clever, they wouldn’t have the word ‘copy’ at the front of their job title,” stated anti gambling advocate Maria Fumble, who despite being 20 years gambling free, is still hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

“I know, if they were actually funny they would be writing on TV, films or even just some shit on the internet instead of writing ads that are about as funny as a rent increase.”

“Yes, if they were in any way talented they would be writing something people actually enjoy and not creating poisonous gas that bankrupts people that was rewritten by the client so many times that the creators want to drink themselves to death daily.”

“But, we’re giving the industry a chance to make it right and at least make us laugh while they encourage us to delete our salary.”

“KFC, you’re fucken next.”


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