The absolute nerve of this cunt has been observed in the quiet suburbs of Betoota as from-home worker Oliver Corton (34) reckons he’s got an early start tomorrow. 

As a self-employed freelancer, Corton barely registered that there was much going on in the world in the past five years as he generally enjoys a day of rolling out of bed at 9am and having a quick browse of reddit before getting going at 11am until around twenty past four.

According to Corton that is all changing tomorrow as a meeting with an overseas client means he’s got an early start or at least what he thinks counts as one.

“Yep gotta be up at 7am tomorrow,” stated Corton, angering every tradie, surfer and parent within earshot.

“Earlier actually as the meeting is at 7 so I’ll have to get up at like 6:55 if you can believe it! It’s the middle of the night!”

Treating this normal wake up time like he was accessing a secret moonlight hour known only to possums, Corton imagined what life would be like if he woke up “ridiculously early” every day.

“I could finally have a first hand opinion of breakfast radio show hosts instead of having to piece them together via popular culture.”

“Not that I’ll have the radio on tomorrow when I’m on the phone with London.”

Our reporting team then explained to Corton that 7am QLD time is 9pm in the UK and suggested that he’d misunderstood and that his meeting was actually for 7am London time which is at a convenient 5pm for him.

“Oh sweet! That’s during my lunch break!”

Realising his day was now made, Corton bid our reporting team farewell before fucking off for a well earned nap.



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