Residents of Betoota are struggling to secure a doctor’s appointment this week, as the town struggles to come to grips with a fast-moving wave of the Pangolins Kiss.

With several residents calling in sick to work and a long line growing outside of the Betoota Heights South Medical Practice, it’s understood lone town General Practitioner Dr Kenneth Milligan is set for a busy week as he attempts to handle an overbooked schedule.

After quickly diagnosing eight different patients before morning tea, all of which were displaying clear flu-like symptoms, The Advocate understands Dr Milligan has concluded that last weekend’s “Dance for Dementia Charity Ball” has become ground zero for a superspreader event.

“Yep, there’s no doubt about it, I’ve had about 30 people come through my practice this morning and they’re all showing the same symptoms.”

“They’ve got a headache, a cough and sore feet after their six hour marathon groovin’ and jivin’ to that big band that played non-stop motown, funk and soul classics.”

“Half of them are still whistling ‘Boogie Wonderland’ in between the odd cough.”

Having spent his morning trying to negotiate with a waiting room packed with patients, Dr Milligan told The Advocate he was considering implementing some rather innovative measures to get through the backlog of infected locals.

“I think I might have to set-up a drive-by diagnosis tent at the footy oval, so people can drive on through, I’ll sign their prepared doctor’s certificate and we can all get on with our day.”

“90% of the town is jabbed so I haven’t had any curly dramas yet, my only stress is my wife was actually on the catering committee so I’ll probably be coming down with it by the end of the week as well.”

“Anyway, I just hope it clears up before next months ‘Hip Hop 4 the Homeless’ event, everyone in town loves a Charity Ball and a chance to let rip after the year we’ve had!”.


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