A good-looking young man from our town’s Betoota Grove locality has been heaped with this praise this weekend after managing an incredible feat on the Rugby pitch.

Trotting out on the wing for the Reserve Grade Betooota Muttaburrasaurus, Adam Wallace-Simpson somehow found a way to play 70 minutes of footy without getting a speck of mud on him.

The achievement comes in stark contrast to the 14 of his other teammates, who all walked off the field looking like they’d been playing in the Somme.

The reason for players looking like a group of pigs from some medieval TV show can be attributed to the Betoota Dugongs’ cricket pitch being turned into 300 square meters of pure, unadulterated mud.

It’s not known exactly how young Wallace-Simpson managed to avoid the disgusting pile of mud that was formerly a cricket pitch, but it’s believed it may be to do with the fact he didn’t touch the ball or an opposition player for 70 minutes.

Those allegations were strenuously denied by Wallace-Simpson, who claims he had a few darts down the far side, on the opposite side of the pitch to the rapidly intoxicating 4th graders.

However, those claims have stuck as firmly as he did to the wing, with 70 minutes of game time seeing not a single injection into the fray.

It’s since been alleged that he will not sport a single graze when the pitch finally dries out and turns into a giant slab of concrete.

More to come.


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