A public safety alert has been issued for Betoota’s suburbs this afternoon, after reports that a local white boy is getting pretty amped up in the gym.

Flaunting some cheap Kmart gear, it’s alleged local junior taxation accountant Hugo Harris-Cooper has hit the Anytime Fitness in Betoota Heights to blow off some steam after a big day punching emails.

Getting in the zone, The Advocate understands a rather curt email from his direct manager inspired Hugo to supercharge his workout with the ghetto sounds of Eminem’s billboard chart topping album, ‘The Eminem Show’.

Featuring brash, bombastic tunes such as ‘Without Me’, ‘Business’ and every corporate boxing gym’s favourite ‘Till I Collapse’, Hugo is setting a new personal best on the cable fly machine, as he attempts to tone up his flabby little arms which he usually flexes on Wednesdays at mixed indoor volleyball.

Speaking to The Advocate in-between sets, Hugo appeared a little distressed as he mentally prepared for how he would reply to his boss via email first thing tomorrow.

“Mate I don’t have time to talk, get outta my way,” Hugo snarled, shrugging off our reporter’s request for a quick chat.

“I’m in the zone, leave me alone…”

Puffing heavily after three sets on the fly machine, Hugo was seen pinching his biceps hoping to see some instant muscle beginning to form.

Taking a swig from an Up n’ Go popper he purchased from the local 7/11, it appeared that Eminem was exactly the tonic he needed after a rough day in the office.

“Let’s get down to business, I got no time to play around, what is this?” he mouthed as he did a cute little shoulder shrug to pump himself up.

“Hell, yeah.”


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