KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
After spending the majority of her adult life enjoying Christmas rom coms, Stella Elliot has had enough.
Whilst she thoroughly enjoys the quotable one-liners, the light hearted soundtracks and the fact that the films put her in a super chirpy festive mood, Stella has decided it’s time to call Hollywood out for their false representation of what it’s like to return back to a rural hometown for Christmas.
A former Betoota local, who travels from Melbourne back to the Diamantina shire over the Christmas break, Stella told The Advocate she was sick of watching films that star men that look like Matthew McConaughey, or Australia’s very own Christmas heartthrob, Luke Bracey.
“There’s not a chance any of these Hollywood directors have ever really had to return to some one taxi town out the back of Whoop Whoop, their vision of a Christmas in the middle of nowhere is so off,” complained Stella.
“Every time I come back to Betoota, the state of the blokes here is dire, there’s not a single, hunky spunky bloke around, nothing even worth a cheeky pash at the pub.”
Having spent the last two days perched up on the couch at her family home, avoiding her Mum’s request to come help her make fruit cakes, Stella told The Advocate that even a night out on the town with the girls she went to school with, failed to deliver anything decent in the bloke department.
After going on a pub crawl through three venues before ending up on the sticky floors of Betoota Vista Social Club, Stella said there’s not a single chance of falling in love this Christmas.
“It was slim pickings alright, I forgot that some boys still go to nightclubs wearing shorts,” lamented Stella.
“And if they weren’t in shorts they were swinging their jaws, getting in a fight or were my second cousin.”
“I’m pretty desperate this Christmas, but as if Reese Witherspoon has ever been in a film that involved her hooking up with a direct blood relative, it just doesn’t happen…”