FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

Channel 9 is under fire from viewers after a third day has passed without a Bindi Irwin update.

Bindi, daughter of the late wildlife and crikey enthusiast Steve Irwin, married partner Chandler Powell in March of 2020 and the couple are expecting a baby in about a month, which is very exciting for them, and according to Channel 9, the rest of Australia.   

“I can’t focus at work; I just can’t stop wondering what she’s up to” fretted Sue Mulberry, 56.

“Has she painted the nursery yet? What brand of pram will she pick out? Has Chandler fitted the car seat yet? Why are they still printing this boring COVID stuff when they could be putting out real news stories?” 

However, one of the 35 journalists in the Bindi Irwin Newsroom said the lack of Bindi content was only temporary, caused by an influx of extremely newsworthy Rebel Wilson stories.

“Calm down everybody, we’re on it, everything is under control” said the unnamed journalist.

“According to the Rebel Wilson Newsroom, Rebel’s just split up with her boyfriend, and that was after she lost heaps of weight, which is why they needed to borrow the BindiChopper to get some aerial shots for the past week or so. They said they‘ll make it up to us by letting us use the Rebel Wilson Emergency Broadcast Van when Bindi’s baby is due”.  

According to the ghost of Kerry Packer, regular updates on Bindi Irwin are critical to ensure the Australian public has…

[The remainder of this article has been canceled as the author had to leave urgently to attend a Channel 9 press conference at the Married At First Sight Media Command Centre]


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