Police were called to a French Quarter Dog Park today after a concerned local mistook the regular day time activity as the workings of an underground Greyhound track.

Greyhound racing, otherwise known as competitive fetch, is the practice of making dogs compete in a race so that people can make some money.

Specifically bred for such a task, Greyhounds have a streamlined body which makes them ideal for racing. However, they do have the setback of being a living, breathing thing, which makes it difficult for trainers to simply dump dogs that are never going to win the Greyhound equivalent of The Melbourne Cup, whatever that might be.

It is for this reason that inner-city dog parks are full of Greyhounds that have been dutifully rescued by the same sorts of people who ‘are friends with the artist who did the dot painting’ or vote Greens even though nature is just a thing they sometimes see on their curved ultra-wide TVs.

“They are such goers,” stated dog park regular Jeffrey James (44) as he patted his Greyhound Murray, who stood shivering beneath a dog jacket he needed as his optimised breed has lost the ability to keep itself warm.

“A rabbit did run through the other day and instinctively they all went after it. Of course, these guys never made it as race hounds so the rabbit got away,” said an owner of two rescue hounds, whispering the last sentence as if it would break her pet’s heart to hear.


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