As NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet admits the roll out of state emergency services in Northern NSW has fallen short, with completely unqualified locals are left to rescue neighbours and discover bodies with whatever boat or kayak is on hand.

This comes as Lismore’s mayor says their city will die as a major regional city unless the federal and state governments undertake a major reconstruction and flood mitigation program, in the face of the climate-change-aided shattering of rainfall records.

Mayor Steve Krieg said the 14.37m flood had carried out a “demolition job” on the city, with rising death toll, thousands made homeless and critical damage to houses, schools, businesses and cultural institutions.

Meanwhile, further up into the Northern Rivers Hinterland, locals claim that volunteers are also picking up the slack as a blatant lack of both federal and stand manpower leaves SES crews exhausted after a week of endless rescues and clean ups.

However, this could all change tomorrow, if the locals were willing to help the Prime Minister utilise this disaster for a re-election campaign.

With Scotty From Marketing due to leave isolation tomorrow, there is a perfect opportunity for the Northern Rivers to lure him to their town to help with the recovery.

All they need to do is give him the assurance that he will be able to nab a photograph shaking hands with one of them. Preferably a pregnant woman covered in dirt.

Unfortunately, Northern New South Wales are known for voting in Scotty’s favour, so their remains concerns in his office that a Prime Minister’s visit to the region could be wasted on a frosty, Cobargo-like reception. In summary, Scotty is worried about getting called a fuckwit on camera again, by people who expect a government they didn’t vote for to help them in a time of need.

All politics aside, ADF troops have since been spotted in the region, posing in front of Hollywood-grade lighting equipment, as they push wheelbarrows with flat tyres full of debris that had already been loaded into a skip bin by local volunteers.

Those same photos have already been relayed to the world via Scotty’s euphoric Instagram posts, captioned with promises of the same aid he promised the Blue Mountains after the Black Summer bushfires.


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