Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has again today rubbished the Australian public’s demands for a powerful national anti-corruption watchdog, using very careful ten dollar words that most punters don’t understand.

The PM said a Federal ICAC (Independent Commission Against Corruption) could turn Australian into “some kind of public autocracy” – which is a politician’s way of saying that he does not want to be held legally accountable for any of the things his government does to get elected, or any of the things his government does to keep billionaires happy while in Government.

Morrison’s reluctance to let independent investigators take a closer look at his government’s actions appears to defy his previous election promise to legislate a commonwealth integrity commission.

Instead, Scotty argued that politicians were accountable to voters at elections, regardless of the fact that 90% of the commercial news networks are just as complicit in hiding any allegations of corruption against the Morrison government.

He argued elected members should be able to allocate funding for infrastructure and community grants and without undue fear of ‘public servants’ investigating those decisions, which are also made by public servants, who have a track record of giving out billion dollar jobs to their mates without a tender process.

While Labor has promised to establish a national anti-corruption commission “with teeth” by the end of the year if it wins the 21 May election, Scotty continues to slap down the idea.

The government is also facing pressure from Independent candidates who have placed an integrity commission alongside climate action at the centre of their ever-growing campaigns to unseat Liberal MPs.

The Liberal premier of New South Wales, Dominic Perrottet, said on Tuesday that Scotty was “absolutely” out of line in describing the NSW state’s anti-corruption watchdog as a “kangaroo court”.

“I stand by what I’ve said,” Morrison told reporters.

“He can say whatever he likes. I’m not easily offended”

“But also. Like, think about it. If we have a Federal ICAC, and our politicians start having to answer for corruption, and get sent to prison – like all those state politicians in Queensland and New South Wales”

“Like, that’s a really scary prospect for them.”

“You’ve gotta understand, most of my colleagues are University of Sydney educated little toffs who wouldn’t last one minute if they got put in the yard at Long Bay or Arthur Gorrie, or any other correctional facility for that matter”

“I know I wouldn’t have a very good time, either. None of us can fight for shit”

“People like us shouldn’t have to worry bout being sent to prison like some sort of houso junkie


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