A local man has today been reminded that he is young enough to still get blasted on a Friday night, and that the disposable income that he was hoping to redistribute towards IKEA, may as well be spent on cold schooners of full-bodied lager.

Flight Path District car salesman, Jackie Fontaine (26) had initially planned on a quiet evening watching any number of the new TV shows he is currently paying out the arse for on 6 different streaming platforms.

However, his close mates have managed to wear him down through reasonable debate, and very hurtful slander.

One Jackie’s highly-active group chats, named ‘XXXX PIGS’, has been chipping at him all day.

“Cunt. What have you got on tomorrow ?” asks the drunkest fool of the group chat, Poopie (28).

“Fuck all . Come to pub you sook”

Another friend, Bernie (27), takes a more gentle approach.

“Think about this for a minute, Jackie” writes Bernie.

“Two years ago we couldn’t leave the house. It’s been raining all summer. And it a few more months it will be Winter. This might be the last sunny Friday afternoon you have in a while. It’s probably worth taking advantage of that”

The group chat make a few valid points. Jackie does have nothing on tomorrow, and it is a wonderfully sunny afternoon.

“Okay. Where are we going?” concedes Jackie.

“Fuck here we go. How bout the rubber arm on this clown ha ha ha” writes Poopie.

Jackie insists he’ll probably only stick around for one or two, but Poopie has other plans.

“You’re gonna get so maggot ha ha ha”

Bernie agrees with Poopie, and advises Jackie to avoid afternoon tea.

“Eatings cheating” says Bernie, showing his darker side.

“You’re so fucked”


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