CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In letter obtained by the ABC today, it can be revealed that former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has had to intervene on Scott Morrison’s sub-optimal parenting this afternoon, and pick up the kids from school while the Part-Time PM mindlessly presses buttons in a Kirribilli gaming lounge.
This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime Minister of Australia, in an effort to help mentor Scott Morrison in his duties as the leader of Australia, and as a man.
Rudd’s decision to step out of retirement to return to unofficial duties as an Australian statesmen appears be one he was forced into in early June – after he was approached by senior business figures who begged him to take over the negotiations with multinational pharmaceutical suppliers in an effort to accelerate our nation’s bungled jab roll-out.
Mr Rudd reluctantly agreed to offer his help as a private citizen, and did in fact pick up the phone to the American-based executives who had grown of dealing with ‘junior bureaucrats” from Scott Morrison’s office.
After using his influence to get the Federal Health Minister Greg Hunt on the phone to the right people, Kevin Rudd has since moved back into Kirribilli House, where he is now playing the role of grandfather for a nation who’s flakey dad has skipped town after heading out to the shops to buy some smokes.
Today, that flakey dad was reported to be feeding his family’s household budget through the brickies laptop, after turning his phone and leaving the kids stranded at the school gate after pick-up.
After several flustered phone calls, school administrators were able to get onto Jenny Morrison, who was working overtime at the Cronulla woolies – after asking her boss for more shifts to combat Scotty’s worsening addiction to the pokies.
Luckily for everyone involved, Grampa Kev was able to leave early from his 3pm physio appointment, and rushed to pick the kids up just as the winter afternoon fell into darkness.
“We all good?” the Former Prime Minister asked his disheartened passengers, while stoically glancing into the rear view mirror through his Joe Biden-style aviators.
“It’s all okay kids. Grampa Kev is here”
Scotty From Marketing has since held a press conference where he waxed lyrically about the importance of family values in modern Australia, highlighting the scourge of poor parenting in low socio-economic areas.
Immigration Minister Peter Dutton has taken to social media to argue that Kevin Rudd’s intervention at school pick up time was completely unnecessary, and that the kids were free to walk ten kilometres home in the cold.