Right around the country, ATAR results are begging to filter through for the 2022 school leavers.

It’s the day many have been waiting their entire early adulthood for. The day they find out if all this pressure that was put on them by their parents and educators is worth it. Will they get the exact mark they wanted to get into the exact course they need to get into. Or will then end up having to enlist for medical trials. Or worse, get an apprenticeship in the construction industry and make more money than their parents and teachers.

Victorian students already know their destiny, while the NSW kids have just figured out their results due to yet another IT error that led to the early release of their results.

Meanwhile, Queensland is just doing their own thing. We don’t even do an HSC up here, but the dumbest kids get notified early to not get their hopes up about their ATAR result.

One of those kids is local bonglord Keiran Greyson (17) who has just been informed today by the staff at Betoota South High that he’s looking good for a whopping 45.01

His siblings stand in amazement this afternoon, as both of their parents congratulate him with big long hugs and kisses on the cheek.

“Good stuff Kiz” says the old man, before offering the rarest show of emotion ever thrown around the Greyson household.

“I love you”

Mum is also just as supportive.

“We are so proud of you, darling”

His two older sisters, who were both put through the ringer in their final laps of high school with an expectation that anything below 85 is completely unacceptable, bit their tongues.

Keiran has no identifiable behaviour or learning difficulties, and he hasn’t really been through any traumatic events in his short time on the planet.

He’s just lazy as fuck – and a massive deadshit.

As Keiran’s parents begin throwing around the idea of possibly paying for a trip to Bali, his older sister Hayley (19, med school) can’t really take this any longer.

“Wait, 45.01? asks his sister.

“Are this a joke?”

“That’s basically an asterisk… We would have been kicked out of home for a score like that”

Mum shoots her a death stare.

“Oh shush. You’re so competitive. Just congratulate him and get back to your books, nerd”


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