The nation’s State and Federal Governments have once again been asked to think to consider the human impact of the Covid-19 shutdown today.

This comes after our struggling mum and dad operated casinos pleaded with them to think of the little guys and offer up a large stimulus package to keep them posting record profits.

“Please, I know we’ve been forgotten amidst this coronavirus crisis, but we are struggling to put food on the table here,” explained the spokesperson for the large companies that make billions of dollars in revenue off problem gambling in this country.

The plea follows Crown announcing yesterday revenue was down 2.2 billion dollars for them across the country, with net profits slumping nearly 80%.

“This crisis has made it hard for us to prey on problem gambling without any checks and balances, and as a result, we are now asking the government to do what they normally do – and create or modify legislation to allow us to gauge the country as much as possible,” said the spokesperson.

“Like they did with the new Casino in Sydney, or the Lockout laws with the other one, or the regulations for Crown in Melbourne.”

“Things have got that bad that we’ve been forced to allow 12-year-olds to come in and have a crack.”

“And we can’t call on Peter Dutton and Home Affairs to breach federal and international law to help us bring in high rollers – so we need a sizeable bailout package.”

“It doesn’t have to as big as the ones they give the banks, who are also capitalists during the boom and socialists during the crash – just a few billion dollars to keep us raking in the profits – and in turn, donating that back to our loyal backers if you know what I mean.”

“Really when you think about it, they’d be getting plenty back.”

“So please, think of the people who need your support and help us employee a disproportionately small amount of people to ruin the lives of countless more.”

State and Federal Government are yet to formally respond to the request but it’s believed that they have currently dropped everything else they are working on how to get a bailout through.


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