The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The ABC has today pulled off the unthinkable. They have found a bloke that looks and talks like a farmer, who operates a farm, and believes in climate change. As the National Party signs-up-to-signing-up-to-a-plan to find a way to reach Net Zero Carbon emissions by 2050, the public broadcaster has spent the last fortnight looking for a farmer who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local retiree has enjoyed getting the blood pumping in her veins at the Betoota Heights High Literature exam this morning. After a couple of hours of wandering around the Bowling Club's function room, something she's more than acquainted with over the last three decades, Coleen Graham was primed for a bit of excitement as the clock ticked...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While the deadline for announcing a pre-Christmas December election has come and gone, that doesn't mean that the official campaign is not already upon us. At this point, it looks like voters will be going to the polls as early as March, with Scotty expected to call the election after he gets the chance to take his Aussie blokeness...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Internationally recognised shady bloke and Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison is on the offensive this morning, launching a new sports-centric media strategy in an attempt to win back some votes. It’s been a tough few weeks for Scott, after the bungled submarine deal led French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron to label him a liar and a lacklustre...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The people of the lower Northern Rivers hinterland are today cheering, after their town reached a milestone that many thought was impossible. Lismore, New South Wales - the hometown of many iconic Australians that make life hard for the government like Craig Foster, Julian Assange and Margaret Olley - has today finally announced some good news for the people...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the nation's drunk idiots has found that the men employed in Australia's late night Turkish and Lebanese take-away industry are far better at crowd control than any bouncer could be. These findings correlate well with statistics that indicate literally zero examples of alcohol-related public nuisance or violent incidents in kebab and pide venues around the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A local woman has today informed our reporter of some very helpful money-saving tips that won’t require a change in lifestyle. Kim Walker is said to have cultivated these learnings through years of impulsive spending and has so far managed to get by mostly unscathed - especially with the use of a credit card. Stating that she was only...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In bad news for everyone with ears, local pest Chris Tripp has taken his dickory to new levels today by purchasing a new harmonica. At 12:35pm yesterday, Tripp visited French Quarter music store Treble Beth and purchased a harmonica tuned to C major, the most annoying of all the scales. After supporting his local music store like a good and...

A local woman has just asked her boyfriend a question with literally an infinite amount of answers and appears to be insisting on him guessing the correct one. “Omg you’ll never guess who I saw today!” “Who?” Responded the boyfriend. “No, you have to guess!” “Go, guess” insisted the girlfriend. “Ummm...” began the boyfriend before throwing out the names of a number of their...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the Prime Minister of Australia desperately searches for any kind of win or valuable result from this week's Glasgow Climate summit, all Australian cricketers have confirmed they have been screening Scotty’s calls for about a week now. In an exclusive with The Advocate, Australian cricketer Pat Cummins revealed that he has received no less than 20 calls from...