LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As the Prime Minister of Australia desperately searches for any kind of win or valuable result from this week’s Glasgow Climate summit, all Australian cricketers have confirmed they have been screening Scotty’s calls for about a week now.
In an exclusive with The Advocate, Australian cricketer Pat Cummins revealed that he has received no less than 20 calls from the Prime Minister this week, all of which he has let go to voicemail.
“He keeps leaving these really long messages where he says if we help him out I will owe him a favour. I don’t think he knows how it works,” stated the Australian vice captain.
“I’m not answering the phone to him even on a good day. He thinks my nickname is ‘Cummo’ and he tries to get everyone else to call me that as well.”
“Oh shit he’s calling again, this is too much.”
According to Cummins, he is not the only one to have received a seemingly unending stream of calls from the Prime Minister who has previously lent heavily on the Australian cricket team during times of crisis such as when he told NSW residents who lost their home that the Australian cricket team will give them something to cheer for again.
“He won’t leave us alone and we’re not dumb we know why. He’s making a tit out of himself every day at this climate conference he didn’t want to go to and now he wants us to give the nation something to cheer for.”
“It feels a little hollow to be honest, we were planning on playing to win the World Cup regardless of his photo op.”
Cummins then shared with our reporters an excerpt from one of the dozens of voice messages the Prime Minister has left for him:
“Hey Cummo [sic] mate, I might need a little favour, are you able to do some cricket mate? Fast bowling if you can or like some green cricket? You know like the environment, maybe there is a green ball or green bat you can use that’s better for the environment? Maybe a green thing that helps with fielding but is better for the environment? Also if you can update me on Steve’s mobile number that would be great cause I can’t get through to him either! Please get back to us mate, it’s not such a bad thing to owe the PM a favour if you catch my drift! Alright see ya Cummo all the best to- oi James what is the name of Cummo’s missus?”
