The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A low-level marijuana and ecstasy dealer that you still have on Facebook from high school has got a new suit, it has been confirmed. The new threads, complete with an aqua tie and pin-striped lining, were debuted to social media this afternoon, as the former team mate from under 11s cricket posted a selfie to Facebook from inside the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian women - and in some less common circumstances, men - will no longer have to worry about getting completely naked in a square metre toilet cubicle. Under a Private Member’s Bill set to be introduced to Parliament next week, Australian workplaces will all be expected to begin preparing for mandatory 'Romper bathrooms' - aimed at providing better accessibility...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After a big few days of photoshoots, the Prime Minister of Australia has ducked off from Glasgow today. Scott Morrison says he's had enough of all this leftie hoo haa about climate change and emissions, and he's off up north to explore some of his family tree. "Put the fork up me, I'm done," laughed Morrison in his...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local woman from Melbourne is quietly seething this afternoon it can be confirmed. This comes after the running of the Melbourne Cup saw not a single horse die out on the track. With 18 tweets loaded up and ready to fire off in a vague way of getting back at her dad's side of the family, Essence...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT #NupToTheCup activists have today been urged to try their hand at a boxed trifecta this week. A trifecta is the selection of the first three runners to finish a race, in the correct order. A boxed trifecta is a type of trifecta bet where the bettor selects three or more runners to fill the 1st, 2nd and 3rd places in any order. This comes as...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As New South Wales bids a hopeful farewell to hotel quarantine, one patriot feels like they got the short end of the deal. Navy recruitment officer Jackie Eldridge (32), the last Australian to use hotel quarantine, told The Advocate she feels rather stung after checking out of a hotel in Sydney's CBD yesterday and getting hit with a shocker...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It would seem that the Australian Prime Minister is now regretting his decision to tear his government apart in preparation for impressing world leaders at the COP26 Climate Summit in Glasgow this week, after his glorious appearance on the world stage was immediately dampened by a French President with an axe to grind. It would seem Scotty has learnt...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A local cleanskin has today found himself having to lie to his tattooed co-worker after the co-worker shoved a weeping chest in his face saying, ‘look at my new ink, isn’t it cool?’ Luckily for Mike Ropesly, the cleanskin, he was quick-witted and able to think on his feet, summoning a supportive response in 0.43...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Claudia Smith-Jones (26) is one of Betoota’s hottest socialites, she’s known around town for her flawless complexion, immaculate hair and enviable style. People have said that she’s the only Instagram influencer who’s Insta looks are the same as her real life looks. Well, not any more. The Advocate can exclusively reveal that Claudia’s picture-perfect façade has a crack in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Albert Jensen has had just about enough of the Halloween rubbish this week. The 65-year-old retired accountant from Betoota Grove hit out at the growing celebration of the American holiday of Halloween. Jensen explained that he is fed up with all of this nonsense about a day we shouldn't even be celebrating over here. "The fact that I'm even here talking to...