The people of the lower Northern Rivers hinterland are today cheering, after their town reached a milestone that many thought was impossible.

Lismore, New South Wales – the hometown of many iconic Australians that make life hard for the government like Craig Foster, Julian Assange and Margaret Olley – has today finally announced some good news for the people responsible for collecting and spending our tax-dollars.

Thousands of locals have taken to the bone-dry streets today to celebrate their newfound status as a low-maintenance rural epicentre.

Obviously this celebration has nothing to do with jab roll-out targets, because Lismore’s 28,000 residents unfortunately probably never going to meet those milestones – but it’s still an achievement worth celebrating!

For the first time since colonial settlement, the region now known as Lismore has managed to last two weeks without a major flooding event.

The people say this record-breaking dry spell means great things for the town, namely they don’t have to endure another patronising visit from an insincere Prime Minister for the next little while, and two, their property market is allowed to join the rest of rural Australia in the hysterical housing bubble.

With its low-lying position adjacent to all those wild rivers down there, the very centre of Lismore is susceptible to flooding. In 1974, the floodwaters rose to almost 13 metres, however the biggest flood in recent was in the aftermath of Cyclone Debbie in 2017.

Aside from the big ones, Lismore is known to flood at least once a week, with the local council providing free Subaru trash pumps for every small business and school in town.

Well-wishes have been sent to Lismore from their Japanese sister city of Yamatotakada in Nara Prefecture. As well as Eau Claire, Wisconsin, USA – and Lismore, County Waterford, Ireland.

Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, residents say that while 12 days without a flood is worth popping the champagne over – they are gravely concerned that without some rainfall in the next couple days, the town might have to go back to level 1 water restricitions again.


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