The Nation

BERT MALLEY | Local | CONTACT To the dismay of drunken uncles across the state, expert turntablist and self-described party-starter Adrian Bedelovski has an iron-clad code of conduct when it comes to wedding playlists, and it doesn’t involve blasting Tina Turner’s 1973 hit without strict criteria being met. “Sorry mate, only the bride or groom can request the Nutbush,” the Betoota-based mobile music man...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A dodgy old bloke on site named Roger says he doesn't know what the fuck happened to ZOO magazine but he's yet to find a magazine quite like it. "I don't know why they stopped printing it. I loved them" says the 67-year-old expert in glass balustrade installation. The iconic lads mag, Zoo Weekly, officially announced it’s closure on...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT New staff-training programs for Centrelink employees have left everyone feeling a bit uneasy today, after they were advised by superiors to make sure that they can actually see urine passing out of either the penis hole or vagina flaps of their welfare recipients during mandatory drug-testing. This comes as the Morrison Government proposes new changes to Newstart allowance criteria...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The inner-Sydney-based staff at the public broadcaster's head office in Ultimo are today questioning their personal mission statements, after coming across someone who spends most of his life west of the Drummoyne bridge. It is believed that three-levels of staff had their faces pressed against the glass screens that overlook the lobby of the ABC Ultimo headquarters to get...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local grand final celebration has just found it's 18th-wind, four days into their post-season celebrations. Betoota Dolphins hooker, Luke Fitz, says the back-end of Mad Monday really separated the boys from the men, but a few dark horses have popped up. "I didn't think that chubby little colties bloke would still be here. Where the fuck did he grow...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Another six months of political relevance has been breathed into Pauline Hanson's career today, as a trailer load of oxygen cylinders arrived at her three-story-rendered brick McMansion in Brisbane's south. The delivery was accompanied by a card from Channel 7 TV hosts David Koch and Samantha Armytage who thanked Pauline Hanson for all of her media-creating live-crosses over the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Local hardware supplies and sales account director, Anthony Rahmond experienced an uncomfortable workplacescenario this morning. Shortly after consuming his International Roast in a paper cup, the young man strolled off to the toilets to slice up his morning colon loaf, as is tradition. However, whilst his “paid poo’s” are normally a pleasant mixture of sighing and scrolling through...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local born-again-type says that while his groovy modern church presents itself as a progressive community that steers away from the boring old sermons, marriage equality is a step too far. Jeremy believes that gay marriage will encourage young Australians, who so far haven't found what they are looking for in the opposite sex, to sin in the eyes...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Melbourne Reverend came out today and told friends and family that he's supported the idea of gay marriage since before it was cool and controversial for a clergyman to do so. Fitzroy-based Reverend Alex Carter has adorned the many archways and entrances to his church with Pride flags and messages of support for the 'Yes' campaign. "Um,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Queensland's nanny-state liquor licensing laws have embarrassed the entire Australian population, after the owners of a Brisbane bar after bouncers were forced to initially turn away the future king of Denmark, Crown Prince Frederik, because he did not produce a local driver's licence. Aimed at curbing alcohol-related public disturbances - while also gentrifying inner-city suburbs with a catastrophic oversupply...