The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Cultural Gaffes | CONTACT After managing a weeks worth of programming on the back of neighbours from hell, dodgy doctors and undesirably, updates on what is happing on The Voice, an A Current Affair staffer is wondering if it’s too soon to run the same story about Asians buying baby formula in the supermarket. A Current Affair ‘journalist’ Kimberly Spackman (32) has...

Grunting like a weightlifter chasing an Olympic record, the man in the adjacent toilet cubicle sounds like he would benefit from an epidural. After heading out for a quiet drink on Friday after work, things quickly escalated for Paul, and he ended up doing two nights back to back with a Sunday session in the mix. That, and the fact...

Standing in the male bathrooms of Betoota’s prestigious Royal Betoota Golf Club, James Beaumont (15), has bared witness to something that will send shockwaves through his conservative family - he’s just seen his older cousin, Jack, enter the toilet stall with another man. Not usually one to snitch, but unable to keep his cousin’s newly discovered sexuality to himself, James...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local aspiring filmmaker, Maddie Benson (25) has today been scolded by Screen Australia for making a film that doesn't include at last eight character chain smoke cigarettes. While her new film, Country Town, appears to tick all the other boxes, such as having a ten minute scene based around a 50-something woman hanging clothes on a hills-hoist in the scorching...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With only three hours till kick-off, expatriated Townsville girl Crystal Creek (34) is still struggling to find anywhere to watch the game in Melbourne. After living in Melbourne for three years now, Crystal has decided it might be time to watch State Of Origin in a social environment, and by that she means not streaming from her phone in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The controversial Melbourne street Gang Apex remains at the centre of an ongoing controversy, after deputy leader Graham* (name changed) was dismissed for "contravening disciplinary procedures" for cutting a prospect gang member's hair on gang photo day. The incident, which was filmed by other prospects and posted to social media, resulted in Graham's immediate sacking, in what some parent's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a weird twist to a story that no one cares about except journalists who either hate private schools or have kids at private schools, Channel Nine has today announced production for a 2019 crime series, Underbelly: That Weird Private School Haircut Story In Melbourne. The miniseries will intricately cover the trials and tribulations of bored as fuck private...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local only child of two high school teachers has today ramped up her hyper-mature vocabulary in front of other adults. In a precocious display of adultness, Emily Kelly has so far used words like 'perhaps' and 'evidently' - as well as throwing around a few et ceteras. Even though she's only in grade 11, Emily has already figured out...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The CSIRO has today concluded that "but, nah, Inglis is from Kempsey" can no longer be used to justify just how horrific the NSW Origin side has been over the last twelve years. After comprehensively losing 24 of the last 36 matches, in what can only be described as the 'actually trying to lose' - the tide appears to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Jocelyn Leigh (25) has appeased her conscience this afternoon after making a food-related compromise. A few weeks ago the young accounts manager at a boutique firm in the French Quarter made a promise to herself that she would be giving up chocolate for the foreseeable future. However, it had been a long day at work, with...