The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the annual debate around January 26 swirled over the weekend, comments made by an aging relic from the golden age of television have grabbed headlines around the nation. Despite being an absurdly wealthy, privileged Baby Boomer, the nation was surprised and shocked to learn that Kerri-Anne Kennerley was capable of making incredibly racist comments...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local sales professional deep with the Betoota Heights Sowest Business Park has cited her close, possibly made up, ties to the Aboriginal during a discussion about the inclusiveness of Australia Day. Kass Sully (56) says she believes there's a difference between the 200,000 people that marched throughout the capital cities over the weekend, and everyday Aboriginal people, like...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A prominent post-war migrant from Betoota's light industrial flight path district has today accused popular Northern Beaches sticky-reggae band Ocean Alley for IP theft. The 67-year-old fisherman spoke to The Betoota Advocate during his 5am smoko today at the Diamantina wharves. "This hat I'm wearing.." he said. "This used to cost me $15 dollars at Theo's Menswear at the Flight Path...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In sensational news out of Central America this afternoon, the Mexican Government has announced that it will be adopting some NSW Government policy. This comes after the NSW Government rolled out $400 on the spot fines for people caught with drugs, in an effort to avoid pill testing somehow. Police Minister Troy Grant says it'll help courts and police...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the punters has found that former Australian cricketer and current Fox cricket commentator, Kerry O'Keefe, is absolutely loving his new gig. On top of the fact that the Australian side are finally showing a bit of momentum against Sri Lanka, and the fact that he is now warm in his new on-screen role, The Skull...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Retelling a story from the night before, foreign girl Emma Splinder has just used the word ‘snogging’ as if it was a normal way to describe kissing someone. Reports from the scene say Emma was able to say the word up to 3 times while keeping a straight face. The English account exec moved out to Betoota to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man with smaller hands would have to wingardium leviosa his four schooners of Betoota Bitter off the bar and over to the table - but lucky Tim Coleman has hands the size of 4-slice toasters. Speaking candidly to The Advocate on this stinking hot Friday afternoon in our desert capital's fourth-most exclusive waterhole,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT There is not much to look forward to as bedtime beckons during the Australian summer, with the possible exception of a whirring pedestal fan that while doing a piss poor job at keeping you cool may still lull you to sleep with soothing white noise. For many Australians, trying to sleep in the summer is about as pleasant...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Down in The First State (to cancel fun,) NSW Premier and former head of Ravenclaw House, Gladys Berijiklian, is spending her days hoping to be asked a question unrelated to pill testing. According to state Liberal staffers, following several pill overdoses at music festivals, the NSW premier has been in a somber mood as she considers the possibility...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pack-a-week city working smoker down in the nation's most livable kiln has reaffirmed his dedication to the nicotine arts by popping outside today for a quick post-lunch cigarette. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate via his favourite end-to-end encrypted messenger service, Hunter Conurra said the commute to work was bad enough but now that...