The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the clock wound down on another Tuesday from hell, a local piece of shit stood in front of the frozen pizza display at his high street supermarket and sighed. As our reporter looked on, Dale Peckham's eyes glanced from the McCain's Margherita to the generic brand meat lovers. He baulked as his hand reached...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A former golden boy from one of the district's most exclusive selective high school in Betoota Heights has today popped back up in everyone's life at a 15 year school reunion. It appears the former school captain, sports captain, Sir Joh House captain, and music captain, Declan Harcourt (33) hasn't really done much since his peak... Which was in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The young people of New South Wales and to some extent, around the nation, have decided to never touch drugs again after the Premier of the country's second worst state said they were bad. Wiping her hands ceremoniously this morning as she stood on the steps outside the New South Boomerstan Parliament in Sydney this morning,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I've been smoker dumpers all week," he said. "Eating generic cereal twice a day. You know that movie, 'The Martian?' Yeah, I've basically been living off microwaved potatoes since Australia Day. I feel tired all the time, like my body is shutting down. I need to get back to work." Conor Pooley's story isn't unlike the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Nick Pooley took out an insurance policy yesterday evening down at a local pub in the Old City District. The plumber from Betoota Heights did so by prefacing a story he was about to tell with the word 'apparently.' Before launching into what is most like a wildly exaggerated and glorified story filled about a local politician's recent escapades,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's hipster community have today clarified that you aren't imagining it, and yes their sunnies are getting smaller. This follows yesterdays report of cultural appropriation within the surfer-hipster community, as Greek fishermen accuse Triple J hottest 100 winners Ocean Alley of cultural appropriation. However, even with Greek fisherman hats, train driver hats, jelly sandals and birkenstocks becoming common place amongst...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man has today impressed his online date with his ability to recall the concerning statistics about men suffering at the hands of violent women. His men's rights sermon appears to have been triggered by a light-hearted discussion about last week's Gillette ad - it's a conversation topic that his dinner guest now really regrets bringing up. Despite the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A city worker, who is better than the majority of his colleagues for packing a lunch, has once again failed to sell the positives of being frugal by showcasing yet another pathetic attempt at a midday meal. Forking his way through the leftovers of a weekend roast, Dominic Hartwell, an associate robot at Betoota's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local acquaintance who grew up in Canberra has today pointed out that they actually know a random sportsperson from the particular sport you are talking about. The athlete, who must be a recent NBA recruit or a tennis player, or a non-team-sport playing Olympian, was apparently good company and pretty good at other sports - before ultimately being...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the annual debate around January 26 swirled over the weekend, comments made by an aging relic from the golden age of television have grabbed headlines around the nation. Despite being an absurdly wealthy, privileged Baby Boomer, the nation was surprised and shocked to learn that Kerri-Anne Kennerley was capable of making incredibly racist comments...