The Nation

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT As exhausted firefighters face the prospect of little to no family time over Christmas, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has come up with a unique way of keeping morale high amongst those on the frontline of the fight against the deadly bushfires. “It’s such a great idea; once again my Liberal team has come to the rescue of the nation”...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local sack of shit has just been caught out by his friends, after turning up to a barbeque with a case of universally loathed beers. “What the fuck’s that,” yelled out a mate of Peter Poon upon his arrival to a New Year’s Eve barbeque with the questionable case of piss. Laughing the run of the mill chat off, the 27-year-old stinge...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The hair on the back of a local dad’s neck has been raised today, after his daughter’s new boyfriend turned up with a case of Canadian Club. As a lifelong disciple of the XXXX factory, Graham Wilson, told the Advocate he doesn’t care much for this new age of fancy beers and pre-mixed drinks, and he’s not sure how he feels about...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Palaszczuk has been left scratching her head after it was reported that alcohol-related violence still existed despite the introduction of lockout laws. Forgetting that people lack self-control even at the best of times, the shorter drinking window has resulted in people smashing alcohol and slinging back shots quicker than ever. It’s reported that not only are people arriving...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After nearly a week of radio silence, The Betoota Advocate can now report that a prominent Indigenous figure from 'up North' has put up his hand to claim the Mildura couple who went viral over the weekend in a racial epithet charged video. The video shows artist Robby Wirramanda Knight being confronted by Rob Vigors and his misso...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Financially challenged local woman, Anna Gibbs, has realised it’s time to curb her over spending and finally do something about her looming credit card debt. Startled into action by yet another overdrawn account notice, Anna decided to get another job and put a stop to her impulse buying once and for all. Unfortunately for Anna, her new cash...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent report carried out by Australia’s leading scent analysers has found that Jasmine is probably the best smelling flower in Australia. “For the past two years my team has been conducting a study into just how good Jasmine smells” says Dr. Plantae, the lead scientist behind the study. The study entailed Dr. Plantae...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact An over qualified and bored shitless lifeguard at Brisbane’s main tourist attraction has taken matters into her own hands today after yet another day has gone by without her extensive training being put to use.  The Advocate can confirm that Hannah Nikovic intentionally tripped over a toddler, on the cement, at 12:03pm. She then went on to pretend the toddler...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Director of Public Prosecutions has criticised New South Wales police, claiming they're distorting counterterrorism laws in an attempt to crackdown on hip-hop artists in western Sydney. Mount Druitt rap group OneFour has been targeted by police Strike Force Raptor over their lyrical content, which alludes to several of the band members taking part in the type of...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A well-educated, intelligent, grown woman has today revealed to The Advocate that she hasn’t been able to spell the word ‘bananas’ without the musical aid of Gwen Stefani’s 2004 hit song ‘Hollaback Girl’ since she was 15. “Well, before that I basically didn’t know how to spell it” says Brittany Isles (30). “Was it one ‘n’ or two? I flat...