The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A moderate Liberal Party robot tasked with taking down people online suffered an existential crisis this morning after being asked yet again to sell out on their principals. The robot, who doesn't recoil in discomfort after learning someone breathing the same air as them is homosexual or doesn't deny the link between carbon emissions and...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After trying unsuccessfully to steal a handshake from Cobargo residents who had next to nothing else left to steal, the PM has finally admitted defeat. Instead of trying to steal hands, the PM is instead trying to steal their hearts by sending 2x Gold Class tickets to the two residents who didn't shake his hand, even if their...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Days after being impressively snubbed by the devastated residents of the smoking ruin of the town of Cobargo, Scotty from Marketing is heading back to try again. “It was too much, too soon. They weren’t ready for the commitment of a handshake. I’m going to try for a high-five and just work my way up from there. Or maybe...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just days after pulling the plug on a multi-million dollar campaign starring Kylie Minogue, Tourism Australia has hit the ground running with a replacement ad that stars controversial government lapdog, Craig Kelly. In the new ad, the Member for Hughes engages in some playful banter with presenters from the British version of the Today Show,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the festive season wraps up around the nation, Australians are now gradually returning to work with brains that function as smoothly as a ten year old family desktop full of viruses from Limewire. Suburban nature strips are now covered in stinky, browning Christmas trees and teenage sons are having their brand new screen devices confiscated for not...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite being told not to by nearly everybody in his team, the Prime Minister spoke to the media this morning to clarify a number of things being said about him in the press. Scott Morrison took time out of his busy morning to speak to The Advocate via telephone, where he explained that when 'everything...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In yet another example of the born-to-rule classes deciding that national emergencies should not hinder their overseas holiday plans, NSW MP David Elliott is resisting growing calls to resign. The embattled emergency services minister and state member for one of those weird Hillsong Electorates in North West Sydney has drawn furious criticism for his decision to take a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local fuckwit decided overnight that he deserves to give himself a present after resisting the urge to buy a small bag of cocaine over the weekend. Conor Royd-Ross, who is someone's son, purchased some woven leather shoes from the popular Diamantina-based online fashion aggregation shop, Autofellatio, in the dying sunlight of yesterday. "They were only...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As bushfires continue to take the lives and homes of people across the nation, the ash-covered media landscape seems to have forgotten who the real victim is. Although uncontained fires are clearly the force for destruction in this situation the majority of the blame seems to be directed to Prime Minister Scott Morrison, all because he denies climate change...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the country burns and our Prime Minister mills about like a headless chook with no one to shake his hand, Australians can still count on one voice of reason to tell it like it is. Barnaby Joyce, the former Deputy PM who thinks we should make peace with his pro-adultery version of God if we want to...