The Nation

Girl Who Was Planning On Doing NYC This Year Settles For Adelaide

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "If you squint hard enough, the River Torrens looks like the Hudson," she said. Sam Holland let out a litte sigh. "I guess Burnside is on the Upper East Side? What would be the Meatpacking District? I don't know, I've never been to the real MPD. Stepney? I don't really know." "Ah, Eden Hills is probably the...

Nation’s Yuppies Given Green Light To Begin Gentrifying Mullumbimby After This 5G Bullshit

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Byron Shire has given yuppies all over the country the green light to move into one of the nation's last hippie holdouts in an effort to improve the region's reputation around the nation. Mullumbimby, or The Mullum as it's known to locals, has been on the front pages of many newspapers since the COVID-19...

Northern Beaches Swingers Begin Exciting Process Of Picking Favourite Couple For Dinner Party

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As of Friday, New South Wales couples who do not live together will be able to visit each other at their respective homes. As part of the public health order released on March 30, the NSW Government declared non-compliance in social distancing measures could result in fines of up to $11,000 or six months in prison. Meaning dinner parties...

Bunnings Employee Directs Yet Another Dishevelled-Looking Man To The Gardening Section

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Greg Costigan has told our reporters today that he's put his right hand up, said 'Down there, Peter Tosh. Aisle 4 right at the end,' and laughed to himself about a dozen times today. The 41-year-old semi-retired author works at Bunnings when he's battling writer's block. And recently, he's been run off his feet at the...

NSW Premier Convinces Medical Experts To Loosen Restrictions With ‘More Of A Gatho’ Rule

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the southern state of New South Wales breathes a sigh of relief ahead of the first weekend where people who aren't tradies get to see their mates, Premier Gladys Berejiklian has revealed how she made it happen. Speaking from the Developers Republic Of Sydney, where construction is reportedly through the roof at the moment, Berjiklian explained that...

Kevin Rudd Warns Against Upsetting Chi.. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah I’m A Fucken Nerd Blah Blah

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has tried to tell us what to think of China again and blah blah yawn Kevin find another hill to die on. Today at some $2000-a-plate lunch at some fucking think tank lunch, Kevin said some things about China and how it's not as bad as the nation's Holden Racing...

Nation Somehow Surprised Billionaire Broke The Law And Got Away With It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australians are, for some reason, shocked to learn a powerful media billionaire returning from a US ski trip earlier this month wasn't forced to spend 14 days in a hotel lockdown like the many thousandaires who were. Kerry Stokes, the Kerry Packer of Western Australia, was able to skip the compulsory two-week lockdown because he's...

North Korea Becomes The Second Nation In History To Be Led By A Brain-Dead Dictator

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The People's Republic of Korea has become just the second nation in history to be led by a brain-dead tyrant with a death grip on the country's political and social power. The first being Australia, which was under the infamous Howard Caliphate for near ten years. John Howard, the regime's spiritual leader, was declared brain-dead after...

NSW Restrictions To Stay Until Rich People Learn Social Distancing Laws Also Apply To Them

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The New South Wales Premier told reporters this morning in Sydney that her state would not be following more developed parts of the country, such as Queensland and The West, into an easing of coronavirus restrictions. Both Queensland and Western Australia announced over the weekend that laws governing the movement and assembly of residents...

Local Dad Still Yet To See Jordan At Halfway Point Of 2001 Teen Romance ‘Save The Last Dance’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After two months in iso, local dad Kel McCaffertey (54) has really been getting to know the endless online archives of the family TV and film streaming services that he never realised he was paying for. With a long list of recommendations he will not be following up from his mates with questionable taste, Kel has been researching...

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