The Nation

Man Who Keeps Undersize Fish Unsurprisingly A Fuckwit In Other Aspects Of Life Too

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When Dale Poink goes for a flick off the Williams Avenue Wharf in Betoota Grove, anything that takes the bait is a dead fish swimming. Early this morning, our reporter observed the 41-year-old unhook a baby snapper the size of a DVD and throw it in a his bucket. Odd, The Advocate thought, but he...

Bozo Somehow Spent Entire Day With Stupid Mark On Forehead Without Anybody Saying Anything

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh for Christ's sake!" "What in blue Jesus is that mark on my forehead? Why the hell didn't anybody tell me? Is this why people were staring at me in the food court?" "Fuck!" Walking to his car in a French Quarter back lane this morning, Mark Callander noticed a soccer ball wedged under the front axle...

Teacher Needs Holiday

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Just four weeks into the school term, a Betoota Grove teacher has expressed the need for a holiday - and she needs it now. With the carrot of a two-week break over Easter the only thing keeping her going, Mrs Melissa Gowings, a Year 3 teacher at Beach Avenue Public School, said it's been...

Town’s Modern Art Gallery Full Of Derivative Shit, According To First-Year Art Student

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The sights and sounds of Betoota Old and New Art (BONA) have failed to impress a local arts student today, with the spritely youngster labelling the gallery's content as being 'mostly derivative shit.' With O-Week still working itself out of his pores, Alastair Lovell went on the attack this afternoon shortly after arriving back from...

Shadow Treasurer Chris Bowen Accepts Responsibility For Impending Recession

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Chris Bowen, a person is currently the Shadow Treasurer of Australia at the moment, has accepted responsibility for the crushing recession this nation will enjoy from June this year. Speaking to journalists this afternoon outside his electoral offices in Sydney's wild midwest, Bowen said he's putting his hand up and preparing himself to cop it...

Gladys Berejiklian Urges The Media To Only Refer To Kings Cross As ‘Cowards Cross’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The New South Wales government has backed calls for the once iconic nightlife strip Kings Cross to instead be referred to as "Cowards Cross. It comes after nearby baby boomer residents released a statement expressing gratitude for the support of doctors, police and the general public for their help in dealing with the youth that frequent the area. "The term...

Even Local Fairfax Employee Is Surprised With How Quickly Organisation Has Gone Down Toilet

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A senior editorial staff member at The Betoota Bugle has revealed to The Advocate this week that even they are surprised with how quickly Fairfax Media has gone down the shitter in the wake of their merger with Nine Entertainment Co. The online-only Bugle was founded in 2009 in an ill-fated attempt to muscle in...

Shorten Vows To Drain The Swamp During Visit To The Macquarie Marshes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Opposition leader Bradbury Shorten has hit the road this week, travelling to regional centres around the country to spruik his party's rural policies. The polite Taurus pulled into the Macquarie Marshes Nature Reserve, near Dubbo in County Coulton, this morning to speak with concerned cotton growers who feel threatened by his party and their penchant...

Local Man Distracts Self From Life’s Pain And Disappointments By Cooking A Nice Paella

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Dylan Spokemen, by his own admission, is having a Tuesday from hell. "I got a parking ticket this morning, I even caught the guy. He just looked me in the eye, smiled, then pushed enter on his little computer of misery." The 28-year-old solicitor was yelled at by his supervising partner as soon as he arrived...

Drunk New South Boomerstanian Completes Seventh Lap Of Melbourne Pub Looking For Pokie Den

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an effort to escape the oppressing night-time heat last weekend down in our nation's inhospitable south, a lost boy of New South Boomerstan became separated from his mates at a Melbourne pub - forcing him to seek refuge within the air-conditioned bosom of the hotel's pokie den. But after completing a number of laps...

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