The Nation

Winx Tests Positive To Recreational Cocaine Four Days After Historic Cox Plate Win

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Only four days after delivering a performance of sheer dominance to win first place at the 2016 Cox Plate, Australian racehorse 'Winx' is believed to have tested positive to party drugs, for a second time. Magic Bloodstock Racing have released Winx from her playing contract to deal with personal issues in the latest twist in the troubled star's...

Cricket Australia insists the media blame the players for latest series loss, not them

15 November, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact CRICKET AUSTRALIA CEO JAMES Sutherland has dismissed suggestion that his organisation is broken at a fundamental level, saying that the rotation and reward policy had nothing to do with the series loss to South Africa this afternoon. Rather than take an introspective look into Cricket Australia, Sutherland has pointed the finger at...

Trump reveals plan to deport ‘uppity British c*nt’ John Oliver first

15 November, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact USING A WORD THAT'S still finding it's feet in the American vernacular, President-elect Donald Trump has revealed his plan to deport John Oliver, an 'uppity British cunt' and political commentator before all others. As one of his most vocal detractors, Oliver's days as a US-based comedian may soon be numbered. "I'm going to...

NRL Expects Boost In Pacific Islander Talent With Rising Sea Levels

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Rugby League has today unveiled a new 'Climate Pathways Program' - in an effort to secure the talent of Pacific Islanders forced to move to Australia and New Zealand as a result of climate change. Not even two days after the Australian Government finally resolved the issue of detained Asylum Seekers in Nauru, it seems our...

Mike Baird To Relocate Entire State’s Public Housing Residents To The ‘Back Of Bourke’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mike Baird has been praised today by Sydney's growing crowd of gentrified graphic designers, after he has vowed to go 'full bore' when it comes to relocating people who rely on Government services out of nice places. The State Government has already announced plans to transform the rail corridor between Eveleigh and Central, including the dense housing estates,...

Veterans of the Great Meme War now eligible to join their local RSL branch

14 November, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FOR THE MANY THOUSANDS of young Australians who spent long hours, often late at night, on the frontlines of the Great Meme War have been officially recognised by the Returned Services League and are now eligible to join their local club. The move comes after Donald Trump's victory was partially attributed to...

Bloke Who’s Read One Guardian Article Explains US Election Result Like He’s Laurie Oakes

JON HENRY| Contributor | CONTACT Shaun Williams (26) a digital marketing graduate from Fitzroy has provided an unsolicited 17-minute diatribe to his mates down at their local, about how Donald Trump won the election and what this means for stock markets and polar bears everywhere. “I was one of the first to recognise the working class of America were behind the Donald. I’ve...

Hugh Jackman flown down to Hobart to begin rain dance

12 November, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact GRUNTING AND SQUEALING like the late Michael Jackson, Australian entertainer Hugh Jackman treated fans this afternoon at Hobart International Aiport to a chorus of 'c'mons' and 'shermows' as he made his way through the terminal. However, he's not in the cold capital on pleasure - he's there for business. James Sutherland, the CEO...

Early reports suggest Vernon Philander is being a bit of a sook

12 November, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact SOUTH AFRICAN BOWLER Vernon Philander has arrived at Royal Hobart Hospital for scans after a nasty on-field collision with Australian captain Steven Smith. Early reports from doctors have suggested that Philander may just be being a bit of a sook and there's nothing wrong with him, however, there may be some deep...

Local Dad collapses in solidarity with the Australian cricket team

12 November, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HIS HEART is weaker than his daughter's boyfriend's handshake these days, Derek Murchison decided this morning to collapse onto the floor of his West Pymble home in solidarity with the Australian cricket team. The 69-year-old retired accountant has been a die-hard supporter of the boys under the Baggy Green for a...

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