The Nation

Woman Asks For Recommendations On The Best Book To Leave Half Read On Bedside Table

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Isolation started with high hopes and dreams of self-development and productivity, but as one Betoota Sounds woman is today realising, isolation is proving to just be more time to be the exact same unproductive person you were on the outside world. Two weeks ago, Carissa Smith reached out to her Instagram followers for book recommendations. Now those books lay...

Farmer Says He’s Finding It Surprisingly Easy Working From Home Alone Without Internet

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact While most of the nation grapples with the change in routine and social isolation, one local cocky says he’s not finding it too bad.  “I’m not finding it too bad” he said. In fact, Barry Hinchcliffe, or Bazza for short, has been self-isolating and working from home ever since he moved back to his family property 34km east of Betoota.  “Yeh,...

Australia Keen For This Coronavirus Bullshit To Be Over So We Can Move Onto The Next Crisis

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT After enduring the consecutive crises of Drought, Fire, Flood, Toilet Paper Shortage and COVID-19 Social Isolation, Australians are keen for the virus to hurry up and bugger off so they can prepare for the next shitstorm, whatever it may be. “I guess I can count myself lucky” said Betoota farmer Lachlan Farrier, 48. “The crops all died due to...

Man Panic Spends Velocity Points On Fancy Juicer Amid Virgin Flight Suspension Chaos

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As Virgin enters Ansett territory, a local man has decided to spend his Velocity points on a fancy new juicer - rather than let them wash away like the sandcastle that airline has proven to be. He was careful with his decision, he weighed up whether he needed mixers and a toaster more but he...

Coastie Laments Not Having Any City Boys To Flog Down At The Surf Club This Easter

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The sleepy beachside community of Lake Betoota is usually a hive of activity right now. The only road in is thick with holidaymakers. Families. People from the city here in Betoota heading out to have a well-earned break over what was quite an eventful weekend for Jesus Christ all those years ago. But none of...

True Fighting Spirit: Aussies In Lockdown Sing Untouched By The Veronicas From Their Patios

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As public morale reaches an all time low, people all over the world have embraced the power of music to communicate with neighbours and boost spirits during these trying times.  Over the past few weeks, videos of Italians singing to one another in lockdown have taken the internet by storm, prompting neighbouring countries to do the same. From rhythmic...

Girlfriend Insists New Series About Murders In Quirky British Village Isn’t Like The Others

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "This one has the three-wheeled car from Mr Bean in it," she said. "And the son of the magpie that was in Blackadder, the one where they were in a war or something. You'll love it. It's not like the other ones you're thinking of." The Green Tree Murders is the latest television series to captivate...

Friends Of Prolific Man-Slut No Longer Envy His One-Bedder Sex Pad In New Age Of Isolation

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer| Contact In his own words, Michael 'Mikey' O'Dearden gets around a bit. As I speak to him on the phone this afternoon, I can just hear how much of a wanker he is. He tells me about his friend who went to prison who showed him some killer bodyweight exercises. That he'd be lucky to go...

“Give Me Franking Credits Or Give Me Death!” Yells Boomer As Banks Consider Suspending Dividends

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The prospect of going without share dividends this quarter is unfathomable for Doug Lachlan, a local 69-year-old retiree who says he largely depends on them to sustain his lifestyle. He even went as far as telling The Advocate that he'd rather have 'that fucking coronavirus' than alter his spending habits even slightly. "If I'm not going...

Bloke Who Loves Kissing His Mates On The Lips After 10 Schooners Saddened Those Days Are Over

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Life will never be the same again, according to the government. The way we travel and socialise. How we connect. In the before coronavirus times, life was simpler and sweeter. Especially for one local man, Darcy Rutland, who simply cannot help kissing his mates on the lips after he's had a bit too much to drink. "What's...

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