The Nation

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A city worker put the feelers out to his group chat this afternoon to see if anybody was planning on visiting one of the many hotels in the inner Betoota area. None of Dennis Colon's friends replied, which means he should probably just go and fuck himself. The 28-year-old though his planets had aligned. He's home...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prince Andrew's inability to perspire has been miraculously cured by the arrest of his good friend Jeffery Epstein's girlfriend, Ghislaine Maxwell. The Prince claimed to be unable to sweat due to him being shot at during the Falklands War, where he flew Exocet decoy missions. However, it seems the debilitating condition has been cured. The Advocate reached...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Brands across the Diamantina are struggling to get onboard the Black Lives Matter train this month as the look to engage the services of local advertising agencies to get their message of inclusivity and diversity out to the public. One of those agencies tasked with making those superficial changes to how a large, tax-dodging multinational...

LOUIS BURKE| Culture | Contact Recent statistics from The World Health Organisation show that Australia is faring well during the current COVID-19 pandemic, although this could still spell trouble for Prime Minister Scott ‘Scotty From Marketing’ Morrison. With all states (bar problem child Victoria) loosening restrictions that were put in place to stop the spread of the deadly virus, pubs have...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Friends of Martin Golan are impressed the 27-year-old had that kind of money just lying around. They thought there was a myriad of things he could have otherwise spent the cash on - like paying down his HECS or even an errant credit card. Instead, those friends had to feign interest in Martin's new Rolex...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Tonnes and tonnes of David Pearson's oranges are going to rot this year because he can't find workers, locally and internationally, to pick them. The 69-year-old also wants you to feel sorry for him. Mr Pearson told this masthead that he echoes the sentiments of the Prime Minister, who said earlier this week that many businesses...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A second-generation property developer in Betoota Heights has laughed off suggestion some of his staff are better off on JobKeeper, telling The Advocate today that if they want to have nice things like him - they should just start their own company like his father did. Lawrence Cockburn of Cockburn & Sons Construction said wealthy...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT The brain can be a bit of an asshole sometimes. The times it conjures anxiety over nothing, leaving you questioning if it’s a gut feeling or just your mind being dramatic again. The intrusive thoughts that casually urge you to stick your fork into the toaster or throw yourself onto the train tracks. The odd occasion it becomes fixated on looping...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The people of West Papua have been told today by the Australian Government that if they're looking at gaining some sort of independence in the next couple years, it'd be pertinent of them to offer up some natural resources to sweeten the deal. The Prime Minister began by saying he wasn't the Asia-Pacific's own version...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Channel Country Rugby League has been postponed for a fortnight today after one player in the competition has tested positive for a new strain of the H1N1 swine flu virus. Dave Marshall, a 20-year veteran of Betoota City CYMS, has been named as the player who's been quarantined at the Base Hospital after popping in for a routine...