The Nation

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A report released by the Gold Coast council has confirmed that identifying a local chick is pretty easy, and it has nothing to do with a golden tan. Beth Schwartz, the managing director of the tourist department, says that the Gold Coast has become its own entity, complete with its own set of customs and culture.  Though the early 2000s...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT CHUMP-E-YUN: NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has confirmed that the bizarre ban on construction work in Greater Sydney will go ahead, despite rumours that it would be reviewed and repealed were spread this morning by conservative media commentators acting on behalf of developers. Berejiklian defended the decision by simply pointing out that majority of Australia's tradespeople come from the exact...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The visiting French Rugby team has today revealed how thankful they are to bid Australia farewell. After a relatively successful hit out against our young Wallabies team in which they almost milked a series win, the French players said they cannot wait to get back to freedom. "Goodbye big island prison," said French Captain Anthony Jelonch from the...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT When local DIY hack Evan Harlett needs to turn a piece of wood into a much smaller piece of wood of a different shape, there’s nothing he likes more than heading down to the local hardware store and buying a new tool to get the job done in the fastest, noisiest way. And the only thing he enjoys...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT A group of straight blokes has today raised some eyebrows, after unanimously deciding a hike up a mountain warranted a photo of their bare naked, inverted asses. It’s alleged the group of Brisbane boys had agreed to do a hike up Mount Cootha one Sunday morning when the frosty weather and gorgeous scenery prompted them to drop their...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A mum has tonight thwarted all attempts to enjoy dinner, despite multiple family members urging her to sit the fuck down. Debra Lewisham is alleged to have toiled in the kitchen for over an hour, making a top notch roast chicken, complete with seasonal veggies and a potato bake. Despite complaining that no one helped her and that, ‘she...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scotty From Marketing has once again been alpha'd by Kevin Rudd, after the retired former Labor leader was forced to once again intervene after being unable to stomach the inaction of of Australia's Part-Time father figure. This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of the Prime...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT There's some good news for online bookmakers and specialist horticulturists in the Sydney area today, with Gladys Berejiklian announcing a shutdown on construction sites across Sydney. The Premier of the city in crisis today called tools down this morning, after continuing to fail to get on top of the outbreak in the Sydney region. The crippling measure is...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT The relentless march of the mouse plague devastating regional towns has been stopped in it’s tracks by another plague; cashed-up retirees outbidding would-be first home buyers at auction so they can rent the same property to other would-be first home buyers, and land-banking foreign speculators who buy up properties en masse only to leave them empty as a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Staring at herself in the mirror, local woman Jescinta Reynolds shakes her head with disappointment. She really should know better than to resort to petty tactics to garner attention from her crush, but considering it’d been a whole week since she heard from Jared, Jescinta felt the need to up the stakes. If she thought a little deeper about it,...