Sports

Bloke compares Superbowl to parent’s divorce: “I don’t know which side to choose.”

6 February, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Confused, scared and riddled with nerves. Douglas MacIntyre isn't a seven-year-old boy anymore - watching his parent's marriage collapse right before his eyes - he's a 28-year-old successful term deposit specialist watching The SuperBowl with thirty of his closest, but equally loathed work colleagues. "I don't know what's going on," he said. "I...

White House Press Sec Insists Trump Inauguration Had Bigger Crowd Than Auckland 9s

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT President Trump’s top spokesman has used today's White House press briefing to berate the media — for accurately reporting the crowd size at Trump's inauguration last fortnight. “I've said it before. I'll say it again. This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period — both in person and around the globe - bigger than...

Entire Nation’s Racial Frustrations Comes Down To Majority Points Decision

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The long-standing racial divide between Aboriginal Australia and the Non-Indigenous has come down to a majority decision at the Adelaide Oval, as two of the ringside judges scored it as a very close fight – one a 94-94 draw, and another a 96-94 win to Danny Green. A fight that could have gone both ways, came down to...

Australian Open ballkid discovered to be 35-year-old man

30 January, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Tennis Australia is in damage control this morning amid claims that a 35-year-old man was able to infiltrate the 'ballkid' program. Dennis Lindon, a disability pensioner from Caboolture, allegedly applied for the position of ballkid by using his nephew's identity. Police have ruled out pressing charges against the former roofer, explaining that Mr Lindon...

Ch7 Offers 1200 Redundancies To Cover Costs Of Camera Lenses Ruined By Autographs

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following the success of the 2017 Australian Open, Channel Seven has had to offer 1200 redundancies to remain afloat in the unforgiving Australian media landscape. Several upsets in the world tennis rankings has resulted in just a little too much post-match celebrations for Channel Seven's budget. Controversial CEO Tim Worner says the tradition of signing the camera...

Shock as square leg umpire makes his own decision regarding tight run out

22  January, 2016. 18:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A square leg umpire has broke protocol yesterday during a T20 match in East Betoota overnight by making his own mind up regarding a tight run out. Batsman Penny Tration was on 18 runs during last night's mixed T20 clash between Betoota Workies and the Dolphins when she dove at the crease...

Report: New Tennis Balls Smell Pretty Good For Some Reason

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the Australian Institute Of Sport has found that even the most nonathletic Australians still find the smell of new tennis balls to be quite exciting. The study, which went for 18 months and cost the tax-payer up to $800,000 has found that the smell of new tennis balls is something that...

Malcolm Turnbull Asks Staffer Why They Film Cricket In Night Vision These Days

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being ridiculed and mocked for his lack of sporting knowledge, the Prime Minister has taken a course of action against that flaw in his Australian character by forcing himself to watch cricket and tennis each night. However, speaking to The Advocate earlier today, one of Malcolm Turnbull's aids has revealed that when a dubious...

Big Bash consider letting bowlers tamper the ball to level the playing field

18 January, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As a number of rule modifications were introduced to aid the batsman in T20, the shortest form of the game, bowlers in the Big Bash League have started asking for a number of modifications themselves. At the moment, the rules favour batsmen heavily and punish bowlers for any mistake. However, nearly every bowler...

NRL CEO Admits Lack Of Scandals Pretty Weird For This Time Of The Year

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After three consecutive weeks of no drug, alcohol or violence-related misdemeanours in the National Rugby League, CEO Todd Greenberg says it's almost like the players weren't aware that the exhibition rounds begin in less than two months. "It's kind of like, in 2016 we had well and truly had a few scandals before Mitchell Pearce humped...

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