The Forgotten Victims Of The Drought: This Brickie Has Had To Work Every Day For Three Years
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
"The drought affects a whole range of industries, not just agriculture," he said.
"We might not make good television or sell newspapers with our stories of woe but let me tell you something for free. We brickies, builders and unskilled shit-kickers haven't had a rain day in almost three years,"
"Do you know what that does...
Selfish, Insignificant, Low-Paid Employee Hands In Her Two Weeks Right When It’s Getting Busy
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
A low-tier employee barely making the minimum wage has decided to make it all about her and inconvenience her boss today, by handing in her resignation.
Pip Husic, a client manager at a mid-sized Public Relations Agency in the French Quarter explained to The Advocate that she was just feeling like a change of scene.
After plugging away for 18...
Bluesfest 2019 To Be Held at Bunnings
LEEROY PERCIVAL | Local News | Contact
In a special 30th birthday celebration next year, the team at Bluesfest have announced that they will be holding the annual event at Bunnings Warehouse in Mermaid Waters.
The Easter celebration will see Bluesfest team up with Bunnings, along with Sportsbet, Crown Lager and Kirks’ Solo to host a bucks style celebration.
Festival boss, Peter Noble (sic), texted his...
Man Transitions Seamlessly Into Fatherhood By Not Rubbing In His Sunscreen
LEEROY PERCIVAL | Local News | Contact
A local paddle boarder has this week made a seamless transition into his role as a father, by applying about 5 times more sunscreen than is necessary and not making any reasonable attempt to rub it into his skin.
After a few double-takes, Trevor Hendy, a senior town-planner and avid Rodriguez fan, was spotted during...
Wealthy Older Man Begins Wearing Round Spectacles In Declaration Of His Left-Wing Views
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
For Ross Wylett (68), maintaining progressive political views is much harder than it is for most bleeding heart lefties.
For one, he's made a lot of money out of the workers.
And two, he's a rich old white man who lives in a suburb that puts fairy lights in the trees for no reason.
After a fruitful career as a manufacturer...
Small Town Accountant Smashes Stereotypes And Seeks Pre-Selection For The Nationals
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A mildly-popular Selwyn accountant has taken the next logical step in his career and has taken the necessary steps to seek pre-selection for The Nationals in the federal seat of Kennedy in Central Queensland.
Though it's been held by Bob Katter since 1993, local small business owner Graham-Albert Stevensonson feels he is in with a red-hot shot of toppling the...
Study Finds 90% Of Bahn Mi Chilli Is Confined To The Final Bite
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The team from one of the nation's peak scientific bodies had today handed down their findings in a recent landmark study into the concentration and location of chilli within a Vietnamese pork roll.
And what the study has uncovered will send a shiver down your spine.
Speaking candidly to the media today with the type of...
Defeated Vegetarian Forced To Pick The Meat Off 3AM Slice Of Pizza
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Her friends laughed when Miriam Blake said she wanted a Margherita.
Saying she'd a vegetarian was obviously a bridge too far, even as the kick-on wound down at the Betoota Heights sharehouse she and four other friends live in.
Everyone, including Ms Blake, was starving.
That's according to Lucy Camberfield, who did the ordering the old-fashioned way by telephoning the James...
Uncle Who Jokes About Never Getting Married Sounds Like He Actually Needs A Hug
Louis Burke | Culture | Contact
Researchers are speculating possible distress signals emanating from part-time mechanic and fulltime uncle, Brian Murphy (51) as he continues to joke to anyone who will listen about why you should never get married.
Friends of Murphy state the almost-loveable larikin is never short of a few words, particularly about his ‘ex-missus’ who he never seems...
Agency Forces Team To Get Corporate Headshots In Final Act Of Humiliation
Louis Burke | Culture | Contact
An office-wide memo at Betoota advertising agency Co-United Creative Klan has sent low-level employees into panic mode as the CEO has announced corporate headshots will be taking place in what many are calling the final act of humiliation.
The 9,000-word email briefly outlined to the 8 am to 7 pm workers the importance of ‘looking...
