Local News

24 May, 2017. 15:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Retiree Peter Jenkins didn't ask for any of the attention he's currently receiving now, but he couldn't sit idly by and watch his community decay any longer. The 71-year-old former prison guard, still fresh from an afternoon sherry at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club, decided to do the right thing and get the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Penny (6) and her twin brothers Tom and Roddy have today learnt some new grown-up words after their beloved dad, Ryan, had a mishap in the living room. After rushing to the street to take the bins out in time for the council pick up, dad was trudging back to the kitchen to make sure he hadn't burnt their...

23 May, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A report commissioned by the World Health Organisation has found that nearly all of the happiest, healthiest nations on the planet still allow smoking inside licensed pubs and clubs. Denmark, recently named the happiest country in the world, still allows people to enjoy a cigarette with a cold beer inside. Patrons...

22 May, 2017. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Year 10 student at a prestigious South Betoota secondary school has had his world turned upside down after being required to read Catcher in the Rye for English class. Though he admits it's the first book he's read cover-to-cover, Alistair Momms-Boltons said the book's protagonist Holden Caufield speaks to him on a...

19 May, 2017. 10:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A grown man living at home with his parents has had his easy and free access to avocados cut off my his father, who ring-barked the family avocado tree to spite him. Citing the aggressive and expensive rental market in Betoota's trendy Old City District, Stephen Poltergeist a local youngtrepreneur, said he wouldn't...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Swanning around the sales department of The Advocate in his $99 off-the-rack suit, account coordinator Gavin Mole-Turner lets his stretched ear lobes jiggle and jangle with each flick of his head. The 29-year-old was a latchkey kid from the start, who quickly grew up misunderstood and angry. "I found solace in music," said Gavin, who started...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though he's not usually known around town for his cheeky penchant for a rice paper roll and a party pie, Ian Lawrence, or 'Stagecoach' as his mates call him, put two and two together this afternoon at a work function and downed them both. He did so because a waiter asked him to, so she...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local idiot who has found himself back at his parent's house has rediscovered the extremely stressful predicament of having a family member burst into his room at any given moment. The fact that his mum could come rolling in with the laundry basket as late as 10:00pm has made life very difficult for the 28-year-old named Jack, who...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent local master builder has sent his 17-year-old apprentice home early today after watching him eat a cold quiche for smoko. Visibly shaken by the ordeal, McCarthur Projects owner Miles Hanford said he couldn't believe his eyes when offsider Jason Moulin hooked into the eggy treat. "I mean, he already drives an automatic Falcon ute....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A year-long study conducted by The Royal Zoological Society of Betoota has concluded that it's basically impossible to have a bad time at a zoo. Staff and customers at The Betoota Zoo were surveyed over the past 12 months to gauge their satisfaction levels and overall pleasure while visiting the landmark establishment on the South...