Louis Burke | Culture | Contact
An office-wide memo at Betoota advertising agency Co-United Creative Klan has sent low-level employees into panic mode as the CEO has announced corporate headshots will be taking place in what many are calling the final act of humiliation.
The 9,000-word email briefly outlined to the 8 am to 7 pm workers the importance of ‘looking fresh’ and ‘dressing spesh [sic]’ ahead of the headshot photoshoot which could only take place on Friday evening which will be compensated by mandatory office pizza and drinks afterwards.
An excerpt from the email by CEO Anton Slater stated:
“Be sure to bring your A game AF cause these bad boiz (and girlz) are gonna say who TF we are when we roll in for our big pitch for Sunkist!!”
Insider sources have confirmed Slater is referring to an awareness campaign they are pitching to soft drink brand Sunkist, a drink that is beloved in all Australian households that couldn’t find Fanta when they were at the shops.
Agency creatives state without the headshots, it is humiliating enough to have to pretend to give a shit about the sickly, orange bottles of crap in front of the soul-less corporate snuffboxes they must affectionately refer to as their clients.
Junior copywriter Aaron Loxton stated Slater denied his request to use a preexisting professional headshot he had taken by a photographer friend in his backyard on an iPhone 8.
“I wouldn’t normally be so resistant but he [Slater] said there are going to be props,” stated Loxton as he shakily lit a fresh cigarette with a burning butt.
The headshots in question are to also appear on the ‘About Us’ section of the company website as if humanising the people who work there is going to marketers to part with their understocked supply of cash.
Reports state one creative is tentatively writing a suicide note that the client has kindly asked if they can send over first just so they can rework the copy a bit.
