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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Uncle Murray Gasser (55) has made it clear to all he’s good for a yarn by wearing his rather dated ‘I Am The Stig’ t-shirt to his family reunion. A reference to the British men’s therapy program Top Gear, The Stig is one of the show's long running characters known for his precision driving, white attire and secret identity. With...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As an election looms with the ominous roll of a wheelie bin stickered with your own face, Scotty has read the room for the first time ever and decided he needs to do a few things to improve his image. In what is being described as an ‘only way is up’ approach, the Part Time PM has punched in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Betoota Heights local has drawn a few giggles today, after making a rather interesting claim. Following a pretty relentless start to the morning on his construction site on the edge of town, Albert De Angelis has told the people he works with that he never really liked that 'stupid fucking soccer shit' anyway. This blatant lie was offered...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The King and Queen of FM radio have today reminded listeners about why they hold their place on the throne. Hosting the nation's Opposition Leader on their show this morning, King Kyle and Queen Jackie-O made sure not to let the bloke hoping to be the next Prime Minister have an easy run. Brushing aside easy home runs...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A leading economist from South Betoota Polytechnic has today revealed to The Advocate what the fallout will be if the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) decides to raise interest rates again. Professor Alan Koch explained that roughly 90% of households around the country are going 'to be fucked' if the RBA continues bludgeoning people with rises to fix...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A man that doesn’t have a neck is putting on quite a fitness fanfare this morning, very excited to advertise that he can pick up something heavy and proceed to put it back down again. Sporting several metres of pink strapping tape, local big rig Eddie Henry (32) is believed to be drawing lots of attention to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the build-up to the fight between Sonny Bill Williams and Barry Hall continues, the network hosting the event has revealed a spicy new storyline. While sports fans will be tuning in to see whether a former Dog of War and World Cup Winning All Black can knock out Big Bad Barry, it seems like reality TV fans...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After nearly 9 weeks of punishing training, a Brisbane-based boxing coach has decided to try and gauge just how far his trainees have come. Corporate Boxing coach Billy Magoulias says he's decided to take his fighters out to a regional drinking venue to see much they've picked up from the intensive program he's just put them through. Normally...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A Newcastle-born Sydney-sider is insufferably chipper today, thoroughly enjoying his Monday return to work. Strutting into the office of his engineering consultancy in Martin Place, young project manager Dane Randall (25), appears to have lost all sense of professionalism, instead choosing to spend the day speaking as if he’s an apprentice boilermaker. A former 2nd grader for the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact After a two year investigation, it can be exclusively revealed that many Australians who claim to be a ‘swing voter’ are just Liberal Party voters who are understandably too ashamed to say so publicly. Despite Australia having a two party system in all but name, many Australians take pride in the fact that they are the salt-of-the-earth, politically...