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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Full time political cosplayer Scotty from Marketing has apologised today. Not for the slow response to the flood that was a bit his fault, but for people and their massive freaking standards Speaking earlier this week, Scotty explained that he is sorry that the standards of a governing body that cyphons a third of your income are so...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the entertainment world, producers from the hit reality TV show Married At First Sight have revealed that they are sticking to the status quo. With the world a swirling sewer of upheaval and cataclysmic change, the people behind the ratings juggernaut have confirmed that they are trying to keep things on an even...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Despite the fact there is a fair bit of other shit going on in the world, a Byron Bay ‘local’ has today decided to hit out at the new Netflix show for their portrayal of ‘her town.’  Speaking to The Advocate from her comfortable, outrageously priced 4 bedder a few hundred metres from the beach, Bronte Vaucluse said she’s...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT here’s some good news for fans of one of the world’s most famous sporting franchises today.  Finally, after a tough couple of years for LA Lakers supporters and bandwagoners, there is something to lift their spirits.  It’s not some smart trades or notable players being moved on, but a new drama series in the form of Winning Time: The Rise...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news that will rile up patriotic Aussies who love this country, a Lismore resident has talked shit about our troops today! After another day of piling precious belongings out on the street for no one to collect, small business owner and lifetime Liberal voter James Simpson has unpatriotically chosen treason. The Northern Rivers local who thought he...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Deputy Prime Minister has finally been called upon to do a little bit of work today. Not by helping out in the regions devastated by floods, but by scouring the centre of Lismore in search of some local residents who can help him out. With the government more on the nose than the smell of everyone's belongings...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Despite being unable to move more than 500 troops a few hundred kilometres, Scott Morrison has continued carrying on like nobody else but he can save us from the wrath of China. Fronting the webcam while chucking a sickie, the Prime Minister has warned that we must stay strong in the face of the 'arc of autocracy.' Using...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Nation’s yuppies have today been rocked to their core, after news broke that it's possible to get a cute dog without breaking a bank. First published in The Australian, an investigative reporter discovered that it was possible to get an instagrammable pooch without spending thousands of dollars, leaving many young Aussies feeling a little stupid for falling...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact The world's Arabic people and people of Arabic descent are celebrating this week, as they prepare to hand the Hollywood Movie Bad Guy Stereotype back to good ol’ evil Russians. Although movies have bigger budgets and a greater pool of creative people than ever before, most Hollywood movies are scared shitless by the idea of taking a single creative...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact At the time of writing, the full extent of the damage caused by floods in SE Queensland and Northern NSW is yet to be fully assessed as the ongoing floods continue to destroy businesses, homes and displace thousands of people. Despite the devastation however, it has provided an opportunity for the region’s jet ski owners to feel justified in...