Breaking News

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Researchers from the Royal Betoota College of Human Sciences have announced an exciting new finding today, after discovering what it believed to be the last licensed venue playing Chive TV.  A pre-historic channel that plays “the most jaw-dropping viral videos from the internet”, the service was once popular for its ability to remix videos of extreme sports,...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT Desperate times call for desperate measures. With the looming recession brought on by runaway inflation, rising interest rates, war in Europe, and the exponential rise in the cost of living, many quiet Australians are finding themselves in dire need to get control of their finances.  For many, the hardest part is simply making a...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT There have been wild scenes this morning out of our nation’s capital after the Prime Minister of Australia continued the notorious ministerial ‘bonk ban’ as part of the wider implementation of what some are calling a ‘totalitarian’ new code of conduct for our oppressed Federal Ministers. Not only subjected to a ‘bonk ban’, the raging...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A local man has thrown caution to the wind this week and decided to just live a little.  After promising himself earlier this year that he was going to live a more fulfilled existence of new experiences and stories, Betoota Heights man Sam Walker says he’s been enjoying a Jim Carey like approach.  “Yeah, I just say yeah to more...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Farmers across the nation received a massive scare today, after a confusing mix-up originating out of our very own Betoota Heights. The mix-up came in the horrifying form of confirmation that Foot and Mouth Disease had reached our shores. Cattle, sheep, and pig farmers have been on edge about the news that Foot and Mouth Disease has spread...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Northern Rivers medicineman has claimed this morning that the growing outbreak of diphtheria in the region is expected and usually occurs naturally. The two new cases of the serious bacterial infection are the first to be recorded in Australia this century, which has got some traditional health professionals on edge. Diphtheria is seldom seen in developed countries with a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Leaders of the state of Newcastle, Sydney, and Wollongong (NSW) have today revealed an exciting plan to solve the problems they've been having with the public service. Premier Dominic Perrottet has informed The Advocate this morning that his government plans to simply turn it into the 'private service.' "Simple," said Perrottet. "We are going to privatise the lot,"...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A former goal shooter has been caught off guard this morning, after a routine bus ride into the city has resulted in some serious ligament discomfort. After boarding a crowded X737 bus from Betoota Heights into the financial district, it’s understood former representative netball Courtney Winders has sustained some mild injuries after being forced to stand on...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After historic teacher strikes took place in the people’s republic of Sydney, it has been speculated that a teacher who didn’t strike must be going for a deputy principal job or something. On Thursday, a coalition of public, Catholic and private school teachers rebuked the NSW government’s planned 3% pay rise and struck for the right to a pay...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some breaking news from the Land of the Property Investor, Australia currently has a million homes sitting vacant. Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics has revealed that over a million dwellings are sitting idle, making up nearly 10% of housing stock in the country. The comes during a national housing crisis, with endless tales about people...