LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

After historic teacher strikes took place in the people’s republic of Sydney, it has been speculated that a teacher who didn’t strike must be going for a deputy principal job or something.

On Thursday, a coalition of public, Catholic and private school teachers rebuked the NSW government’s planned 3% pay rise and struck for the right to a pay increase that meets inflation while providing financial appreciation for all the rapid changes of the past two years.

“How does Perrottet not care about teachers when he is slowly making a classroom’s worth of kids in his own house?” asked science teacher Sarah Benson who seemed to be hoping we’d notice the Kath and Kim reference on their protest placard.

“Yes, we get more holidays than the average worker, we also inhale a lot more Lynx and shit from children than the average worker.”

It was at this point that Benson noted her fellow science teacher Peter Sparks was not protesting alongside her and put it down to her colleague being a regular ladder climber.

“He’s probably in the flexible learning space right now telling the poor sods whose parents made them go to school today about how this strike is unnecessary and the changes he will make to uniform once he’s in charge.”

Although the NSW Board of Education does not strictly state that any teacher participating in strikes will have no chance of job progression they have made it clear that any teachers striking today may have to study “Belonging” again.

“It just pisses you off. It’s almost more frustrating than the private school teachers who are protesting here as well. Honestly guys, fuck off.”

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