LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The 2021 census results confirm that No Religion has continued to be Australia’s fastest-moving religion as citizens turn away from Christianity, proving that the Morrison government might have left a lasting legacy afterall.
The most recent data from the 2021 census shows that 38.9% of Australians identify as having no religion, nearly double that of Catholicism at 20% with Protestant (18.1%), Orthox (2.1%) and Other Christian (3.7%) trailing behind.
This has forced the various Christian denominations to team up to form a majority like a shitty Avengers as they ponder why religious casuals no longer wanted to be associated with the Christians we just voted out of government.
“In theory, a Christian Prime Minister is a great idea,” states former Catholic Mateo Lombardi who got round to identifying as ‘no religion’ after 20 churchless years.
“They would want to help the poor, end fighting in the world, and tell tax collectors to go sit on a redbud tree.”
“Instead what we ended up getting was a bumbling dad who kept fixating over athletes genitals and the right for religious schools to sack gay staff and vilify queer kids.”
“I mean that shit isn’t even in Leviticus and there is some full on stuff in there.”
Prior to the news that people were leaving a low-commitment religion in droves, many Australians were wondering what fever dream PM Scotty from Marketing would leave behind as a legacy but now it is clear to all that his legacy was making Christianity deeply unfashionable.
Previously, pundits debated if Scotty’s legacy might include a decrease in Cronulla Sharks memberships.
One thing they could agree on is that his legacy would have nothing to do with morally pure legislation designed to help Australians and would likely be related to how citizens adjusted to life in the face of his constant inaction on anything that didn’t benefit his rock spider protecting happy clapper mates.
“Oh, and he stole RATs for a Hillsong festival once! That’s not Christian! That’s not even Pagan!”