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Coalition announce they might allow hot lesbians marry each other, but that’s it

23 May, 2016. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IF YOU'RE A HOT GAY WOMAN, then bite your tongue and vote for the Coalition government this July, because they might've found some middle ground on the polarising issue of gay marriage. After a series of high-level talks between senior members of the Liberal and National Party, a policy agreement was established,...

STUDY: Nothing Good Ever Happens If Tooheys Extra Dry Platinums Were Involved

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WANTING TO GET TO the bottom of an age-old mystery, the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre in Sydney commissioned a study into Tooheys Extra Dry Platinums, a brew notorious for its higher-than-average alcohol content. What the report found has rocked the Australian liquor industry. The report concluded that nothing good ever happens if a day's...

United Patriots Front adds ‘al fresco’ and ‘a la carte’ to cuisines they hate

20 May, 2016. 15:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact JOINING HALAL AND OTHER international dishes, the United Patriots Front has announced today that 'al fresco' and 'al a carte' cuisines have joined a growing list of foods that members have sworn off eating. The aim of the far-right group is to spearhead a boycott on these 'un-Australian' industries, leading to their...

Labor Party confirms Bill Shorten will receive participation ribbon after election

19 May, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN USED TO introduce his classic tune Born To Run by saying: "nobody wins, unless everybody wins," but he doesn't do it anymore, because it's just not true. However, that's the essence of the new mantra coming out of the Labor camp this morning, with National Secretary George Wright confirming that...

Local Vegan torn between pleasing Waleed Aly and not consuming dairy products

18 May, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact SHEENA DECKHART IS TORN between her blind love for a Gold Logie-winning presenter and her outright determination not to consume animal products. Last night, Waleed Aly grabbed the bandleader's baton and lead the march toward getting to the bottom of the rotten mess that is the dairy industry, which he ended with...

Jarryd Hayne’s NFL retirement may force Fox Sports News to do some journalism

16 May, 2016. 15:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FORMER SAN FRANSISCO 49ERS punt returner Jarryd Hayne has walked away from the game after a season with the gridiron team to chase another lifelong dream. His departure has left fans and sporting commentators shellshocked, but Hayne says the Olympic Games in Rio are calling his name. He is set to play for...

Nation Dedicates Roughly 26 Seconds Of Thought To Tomic’s Withdrawal From Rio

14 May, 2016 14:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT   Experts agree that much like Nick Kyrgios, Australian tennis person Bernard Tomic was probably not smacked as a child. The entire tennis community has berated Bernard Tomic today for his decision to forgo representing Australia at the Rio Olympics in favour of playing an obscure ATP Tour event in Mexico. Instead of going to Brazil in August,...

Bill Shorten reveals he maintains his cool composure by screaming into pillows

14 May, 2016. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact DESPITE BEHIND IN NEARLY every poll, Opposition leader Bill Shorten has been cooler than a cucumber  this election campaign, which he chalks up to one simple trick. "I scream into a pillow three times a day," reveals the 49-year-old, who celebrated his birthday on Thursday. "The goose feather ones work the best. I...

Bouncer Asks Patron To Recite Man From Snowy River Backwards While Hopping On One Foot

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE tricks is to tell a punter to go for a walk around the block, or to come back in an hour. He says seeing the look on someone's face when you tell them they're not coming in will never get old. You could walk around the block until the sun comes up...

NRL Shocked To Once Again Learn That Ex-Players Don’t Make Very Good Accountants

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NRL has fined the Manly Sea Eagles $750,000 for breaches of the salary cap over the past five years, while two officials have also received 12-month bans. “What we have found is that hiring former footballers to run a professional sport franchise is probably not the best way to go" said club CEO Joel Surfiekhunt. "Especially when most...

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