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ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Argh," he sighed. "Is it that time of year already?" In a stunning display of localised indulgent self-loathing, a mildly popular bicycle mechanic took to social media this morning to declare war on Christmas. Jackson Scullion-Pearson's casus belli is that unless people hadn't realised yet, it was 2018 and the notion of Christmas in the country has since...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A blazing pile of rubbish has today increased its two-party-preferred vote by 2% in the latest Newspoll, shooting past Labor’s previous election-winning lead in the wake of the Liberal leadership spill. It is not yet known why the stinky, smokey pile of burning trash is even being considered as a Prime Minster, while emergency workers unsuccessfully attempt to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Up to 300 people a day are expected to use Australia's first medically supervised drug fruit injecting room when it opens in the coming days, in an attempt to minimise harm to the community in response to the ongoing fruit tampering crisis. More than 100 reports of tampered fruit are being investigated by police across the country, many...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a week on remand in Silverwater, Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony X has today finally made bail, after strings were pulled in the South Sydney Rabbitohs headquarters. Last weekend, the prominent Northern Beaches elder was thrown in gaol after failing to get a taxi home after the South Sydney Rabbitohs historic win against the St George Illawarra Dragons. However,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In some breaking news out of the town's Old City District, Kelvin Brooks has managed to avert a major situation this afternoon. The engineer was enjoying a couple of Friday afternoon drinks with some mates down at a local pub today when he felt a prick in his mouth. Letting out a sharp breath, Brooks felt a strong pain...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Melbourne, and a bit of Western Australia, find themselves entranced in the pointy end of the 2018 AFL season - the hysterical white noise of the game's heartbreaks and Cinderella stories have filled all the gaps usually found in a slow news week. While most of the Southerners are relishing in the chance to read about nothing...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony Abbott has today backflipped on his previous comments about Muslim ideology, after being introduced to the teachings of the Koran by his cellmate, Spider. This comes after the newly-appointed Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, Uncle Tony X was jailed without a trial on Saturday evening, on the charge of being out in public...

A bold protest will hang over the South Sydney Rabbitohs as they attempt to keep their NRL premiership dreams alive in tonight’s semi-final against the St George Illawarra Dragons. This comes as former Prime Minister, and recent Bunnies die-hard Uncle Tony Abbott tweeted his support for Harper Nielsen, the 9-year-old Australian schoolgirl who refused to stand during the singing of the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following a nightmarish 24-hours on social media, the millennial Liberal staffer responsible for Prime Minister Morrison's 'Fatman Scoop' video meme, has popped up on LinkedIn looking for work in the advertising sector. The new Prime Minister’s Media advisor has enjoyed an even shorter tenure than some of the men and women before him. Just weeks into his exciting and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | CONTACT Strawberries Australia is ducking for cover today after being plastered for their latest promotional campaign. In a spectacular marketing ploy, the peak Strawberries body has faced heavy criticism for it’s ‘Find A Golden Needle To Tour The Strawberry Factory’ competition that has made headlines. This comes after people around the country have sighted sewing needles inside their strawberries, with...