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Girlfriend Takes An Hour To Explain Fairly Common Social Scenario That Happened With The Girls

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local woman has spent the best part of an hour explaining to her boyfriend the intricate, and apparently fragile, social nuances involved when her girlfriends are faced with a pretty common social occurrence. Shelly Hawke (30) insists her boyfriend Brad doesn't understand how big of a deal it was that Katie and Annabel were forced to pay...

Disney On Ice: Cinderella And Snow White Arrested On Drug Charges

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The latest ‘Disney on Ice’ tour has hit a major speed bump today after two of its stars were arrested for possession of illicit substances. Both Cinderella and Snow White were taken into custody after significant amounts of methamphetamines were found in their possession. The Children’s extravaganza which had just landed in Brisbane this morning has been as popular...

2016 Census Results Suggests Everyone Needs To Calm The Fuck Down About Islam

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former PM Tony Abbott has today joined other conservative minor party politicians in accusing the Australian Bureau of Statistics of driving a 'leftie' bias agenda - after a record number of people who claim “no religion” has overtaken Catholics in the 2016 Census Results. The most recent results show that “no religion” rose from 22.6 per cent to...

Dad Forced To Take 18 Different Departure Gate Photos Before Kiss Goodbye

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report from the Department Of Foreign Affairs And Trade has found the most important part of any pre-travel preparation is the 'departure gate photo' - usually taken by a parent before beginning a two-hour run-around with customs. The photo, which is usually captioned with something like "see ya " ranks higher than passport drama...

Red Symons Confirms Iconic Nickname Came From The Colour Of His Neck

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Hey Hey It's Saturday regular and Skyhooks guitarist, Red Symons, has today confirmed all rumours about the colour of his neck, and how it is responsible for his nickname, after making a series of bizarre and racially loaded comments in an interview on his ABC radio show this morning. An edited version of Symon's spicy interview with...

Neo-Nazi Wants Australia To Go Back To How It Used To Be When His Pop Was At War With Nazis

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local neo-nazi skinhead Bryce Cantrell (19) says he is sick of the attitudes held by people who don't seem to care about Australia's proud history. Bryce says he became a staunch anti-multiculturalist at the age of 15, which coincidentally was around the same time his parents divorced, leaving him without a father figure to guide him through some...

Local Girl Posts Smoking Hot Photo Of Self As Birthday Tribute To Less Photogenic Friend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local girl, Shannon Varbetti (27) has today taken to social media to pay tribute to 'one of her best friends and rock for so many years' - a close friend named Clare, who's birthday is today. In a surprising move, the photo tribute, which has racked up close to 120 likes on social media this morning - actually isn't...

Bloke Sticks Up For Mate That Nobody Else Likes By Insisting His Humour Is ‘Dry’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local bloke, Woodsy, refuses to acknowledge that his tag-a-long mate from another social circle is actually way funnier and charismatic than people give him credit for. Despite his housemates and other friends insisting his good mate Joey is actually a bit of a drain, Woodsy says it's because his unique sense of humour often goes over people's heads. "You...

Local Man Quits Buying Cigarettes

LEROY PERCIVAL | Music Editor | CONTACT Friends of Robert Winborough have slowing begun withdrawing him from social invite lists, fed up that the self-confessed reformed smoker has been punishing there hard-earned packs of ciggies. Winborough, 25, has been arriving at social gatherings armed only with his unique orange Bic lighter, quickly pulling up anyone who could potentially put it in their pocket by mistake. There...

Sydney Spends $10 Million On Lighting To Distract Tourists From The Lack Of Music And Dancing

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NSW Police will have 20,000 fully-armed officers on stand-by in Circular Quay over the next fortnight, As Sydney will be transformed into a 'spectacular display of light, creativity and ideas' - as the state forks out close to $10 million in power bills to shine cool pictures on landmarks. Sydney is reportedly really excited to show off their...

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