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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact In breaking news this evening, it can be revealed that the first of twelve months in the 2021 calendar year is almost at an end - and you may as well still be hungover watching test match cricket at your parent's house because that's how much you have achieved in the 20 days you've had back at work. Other...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact After making excuses to get out of an arranged dinner date, Sally Westington (27), sits at her Betoota Cove apartment drinking alone and scouring over social media. Unfortunately, her moment of bliss was cut short when the Virgo saw a photo of two of her best friends having dinner together – the very friends she blew off....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Bartender and mixologist Andy Samson could feel some eyes burning holes in him this afternoon as he frantically tried to get through an overly burdensome cocktail order. The part time employee at the Royal Coke Hotel in Betoota's Data Entry District was meandering his way through the afternoon shift, pulling happy hour beer after happy hour beer. That was until...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For young professional Calum Jones (26) ordering a large skim cappuccino is hard enough to do without feeling judged, especially at his local cafe where barista Isaac Banon (30) asserts authority by loudly announcing Jones’s order as “tall skinny cap!” “It’s bullshit. He knows my name, he asks for it, still yells out “tall skinny cap” every time anyway....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The nation's Commodore drivers have today been urged to go on then, and to also send it. This follows a recent report by the National Roads and Motorists' Association has found that high-speed driving is not nearly as cool unless you flop your sloppy pale arm out the window while doing it. In a report commissioned in 2014 by former...

TRACEY BENDINGER | ACT | CONTACT The 2018 Summernats car festival ended yesterday, however, news of the fully-charged-high-horsepower-high-pollution event has only just reached the United States of America, more specifically, the popular energy entrepreneur, Elon Musk. Where most people curse the car festival for the unapologetic noise and environmental pollution it causes every year, Musk sees it as an opportunity. Reaching out exclusively to...

LOUIS BURKE | Food | CONTACT After a negative experience at a local chicken shop, semi-retirees Lionel and Linda decided to take matters all the way to the top by complaining on the business’s Facebook page. From their shared account, LindaandLionel Norman, the couple posted this 1-star review on the Facebook page of Juicy Charcoal Takeaway: “I had to wait 20 bloody minutes before someone told...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A friend who arrived wildly unprepared at a shared campsite for a popular East Coast music festival does not appear to be apologetic about the game of musical chairs he has created. It seems good mate, Jase Tidwell (27) has only made sure to bring hard liquor and other non-permitted goodies through the gates this year, as his Hyundai...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local half-wit has taken delight in poking fun at the amount of grog currently being purchased by the customer queued in front of him at The Betoota Family Cellars today. The smart arse, who appears to be buying one six pack of shit looking beer, appears to be waiting for a Olympic applause after rattling out probably the...

Police have issued a warning to all designated drivers today: Stay away from Nan’s Rum Balls. The warning comes after a spate of DUI’s across the country, directly linked to consumption of the potent Christmas sweet. Diamantina Police Spokesperson Troy Pisasale confirmed that over 50 people have returned positive breath tests during the Christmas period. “I understand that people are just trying...