IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man feels he's in finance purgatory today after deciding against seeing his mates at the pub because he can't really afford to do that and then pay the mortgage on his flat in two weeks' time. It's a tricky dance, says Kasey Edwardson, who doesn't remember the last time he caught up with...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A silly old bastard from Betoota Heights has written into The Advocate today saying he's always supported Nick Kyrgios and anyone who says anything to the contrary will get a crisp jab across the chin and a boot up the doot for good measure. Despite not being contacted for this story, 56-year-old retiree Darryl Gawn...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local builder who embarked upon a keto diet with his wife last month has been formally questioned over the empty McDonalds bags found under the passenger seat of his work ute. For reasons undisclosed to this masthead, Betoota Heights man Chris Pooley is on a carbohydrate-restrictive diet. What the 34-tear-old has been able to...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT A pair of cosmopolitan city-slickers from Betoota’s famed French Quarter have blown into a one-horse town somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and grabbed a few items from the local IGA. The event occurred at approximately lunchtime yesterday afternoon, when Miles Watkins (27) entered the IGA accompanied by his best friend since he was only little, Arlo (last...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young couple who got supremely honey-dicked into buying some mouldy shitbox in our town's French Quarter are now complaining about being trapped in a mortgage prison because the RBA put interest rates up when they said they wouldn't. The couple were complaining to a life-long renter, Craig Bowmore, who said he was simply born...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe Australian tourism industry isn’t quite what it used to be. Reports from Northern NSW, aka Deep South Queensland, have confirmed that one backpacker in the hinterland town of Nimbin had to wait as long as 40 seconds before being sold drugs. Known as the cannabis capital of Australia, Nimbin is a sleepy town of just 1,477 who love...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA quasi sense of relief has spread across the coastal town of Magpie Bay as it has been pointed out the town will never be ruined by tourists as it is already a shithole.Betoota’s coastal sister city, Magpie Bay has a population of 4,106, a petrol station, a post office that is also a cafe, a pub...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIn another trend that will be impossible to explain in 20 years time, landlords and real estate agents of Australia have confirmed that mould increases rent.Following a year of record breaking wet weather and an already cliched cost-of-living crisis, the average price of rent has increased in tandem with the average amount of mould in rental properties.“Get excited,...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTHaving a side-hustle is cool and hip. You get more street cred if you be hustlin’ in the hours outside of your exhausting full-time 9-5 job. The good news is that if you’re of working age you have so much time ahead of you to work more, and boundless energy to spend on more work.But...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA bloke who often gets his mates kicked out of licensed venues has been praised today, for showing a thoughtful sign of respect for the sanctity of marriage.Benji “Bendo” Edwards, a 29-year-old air-conditioner repairman from Betoota Ponds, is believed to have received pats on the back from all of his friends after he refrained from rolling...