ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The club captain of the Lake Betooa Surf Lifesaving Club has told The Advocate this morning that he’s looking forward to this, the last sitting week of Federal Parliament, to see in which spectacular and bizarre way Scott Morrison will fuck things up.

Wade Donough, a 45-year-old founder of a small scale residential building company, explained that he reckons at his core, Scott Morrison is a pretty affable bloke and could probably tolerate him at a mate’s barbecue or something but when it comes to running the country, he’s just not the right bloke.

“Mate, he’d fuck up a cup of tea,” he said.

“Look, he seems like a nice enough bloke. But fuck me, he can and will find a way to turn everything he touches into shit. He’s like an apprentice that just can’t get it. You show him how to do it a hundred times and he still fucks it up. What makes it worse is that I don’t think he’s putting in the work, either. He’s not giving it a red hot go, which goes against his own mantra, which is another thing I fucken don’t like about him,”

“Plus, on top of all that, he’s completely full of shit. Even his most fevered followers nod knowingly when you bring it up at the pub. They know he’s fucken hopeless, too, but what’s the alternative? Some other bloke from Sydney who looks like he’d also fuck up a cup of tea but I’m on speculating on that part. He might turn out to be good at making tea? Who knows. At least he doesn’t have a stupid fucking Australian flag mask. He’s breathing and coughing all over the flag. I’m no patriot but fuck me, that’s pretty disrespectful by any means,”

“But as for this week, I’m wondering how in Blue Jesus he’ll fuck up this week. It could be anything. From state affairs to running over some cunt’s dog in Yarralumla. Anything!”

More to come.


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