ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An apathetic inner-city leftie looked into his wallet this afternoon during a long-corporate-lunch looking for a rarely-used card to cut a line of cocaine with.

Behind his expired Medicare card, Darcy Saxon-Willis found one he’d never used to slice himself off a bit of nosé before – a $75 World Vision Gift Card he meant to give his free-spirited sister for her birthday last year.

So at approximately 3 pm this afternoon, the 34-year-old mergers and acquisitions specialist retreated to a corner of the private dining room at the Cheval et Chein Steakhouse in the French Quarter with two colleagues and began to indulge in their latin talking dust.

“This is good shit,” said Sam Gerhert, another mergers and acquisitions specialist in a $600 suit present at the drug taking.

Of the three times he’s been in the right place at the right time to be offered a line, this is the best.

However, he couldn’t help but notice the card in Darcy’s right hand.

“That’s pretty fucked up,” said Sam.

Darcy looked up from his phone and looked dumbfounded.

“The card! [laughs] How like the only reason you’ve got that in your hand is because of the drug conflict in Colombia – and you’re using it to cut up the end result of that conflict,” added Sam.

Lifting his top lip to run the top of the gift card across his gums, Darcy’s eyes looked stern as he thought of a response once he got the use of his mouth back.

“We should be worrying about Adani, it will ruin the reef,” he said.

“And what about Barnaby Joyce? What a hypocrite! All I’m saying is that there are bigger issues here that we should fix before we go messing in other people’s business,”

“Plus, this card means I’ve donated $75 to World Vision. What have you done?”

Sam shrugged and asked if he could have one more before they rejoined the lunch.

More to come.


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