EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

After a solid ten years of journalists constructing wanky thought pieces blaming millennials for killing countless industries, traditions and institutions, the gauntlet has finally been laid to rest as ‘generation me’ finally hits back – literally.

The Advocate can report that a string of attacks is said to have started earlier this year, when Penn Herrod-Gordon [52], a decorated journalist from the Sydney Morning Herald, was found bludgeoned to death by his keyboard, just moments before publishing his magnum opus, titled ‘How Millennials Are Killing Doorknobs.’

Though it was considered a one off attack at the time, it can be now confirmed that at least five other middle aged journalists have been murdered by the same mystery assailant, all while penning similar articles about millennials deliberately ruining something because they’re entitled and selfish, and not because they just don’t have any fucking money.

Now, restless boomer journalists across the nation have been forced to write about actual important shit, instead of spouting hatred on a generation who prioritise experiences and good relationships over accumulating wealth.

So it begs the question – are millennials killing the journalism industry?

Yes, it appears so.

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