Corporate Australia is in a panic this week, after an anonymous but clearly amateur online hacker has somehow manage to breach the data of 9.8 million Australians through a cyberattack on the major telco Optus.

Australians caught up this dismal display of complacent cybersecurity are now rushing to replace their driver’s licence numbers and get new cards, with State Governments waiving all fees and redirecting the multimillion-dollar cost of the changeovers to Optus.

The alleged Optus hacker’s release of 10,000 customer records has made the need for those affected to replace identity documents urgent, with some victims claiming to have left Optus years ago – but still finding themselves compromised by a company that couldn’t be fucked to delete their data.

Meanwhile, the federal government is working with financial institutions so that the 9.8 million victims of the Optus data breach get “enhanced monitoring” on their bank accounts to spot potential signs of fraud and identity theft. A process that would have been made easier if Parliament had passed one piece of cybersecurity legislation in the last ten years.

However, not all victims of this cyberattack are as worried as those rushing to safe-guard their documents from identity theft.

Local Betoota Grove woman, Elodie Martinez (36) has been with Optus for so long that the only information they have is her old MSN hotmail account.

“I pay direct deposit too… So they don’t have my card details”

“And I opened this account in high school when I bought my first Nokia 5160. I didn’t even have my L Plates then”

“Eventually I just upgraded my pre-paid to a monthly plan, I don’t think they have anything about me on file”

As Elodie points out, this hacker is going to be greatly disappointed when they try to steal her identity with nothing but [email protected] to work with.

“Does hotmail even exist anymore?” she asks.

“I mean, it’s really quite irrelevant nowadays”

“So is Optus I spose. I mean if a major Australian telco provider can be hacked by a teenager who only wants a $1m ransom – and they still don’t pay it…”

“Might be time to wrap it up. Maybe I’ll change providers”

“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to use a phone in a rural area”


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