ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A mildly unpopular bag of shit moonlighting as an account coordinator at a local multinational boutique advertising firm has today gallantly pulled himself together to come into work – despite feeling quite unwell.
With a sharp bark and a runny nose to boot, Lindsay Mulliscoles slammed back two paracetamol tablets over breakfast this morning, looked himself in the mirror and boarded the D45 down the hill to the French Quarter.
“Lesser men would’ve stayed home in bed,” he said proudly to our reporter.
The 34-year-old hero spoke to The Advocate this morning via wireless telephone about his courageous mission to not let the team down at work.
“But we’ve got new clients coming in left right and centre. The new financial year is one of the busiest times for us. Taking a day off now is testament to failure. Do you think the good people at Pepsico, my favourite client, would take kindly to the fact I’m replying to their emails from bed?”
“Hot tip; they wouldn’t. So here I am, sitting at my desk, doing some admin and talking on the phone to you. Smashing it out. I’m the fire warden, too. So I’ve got a responsibility to keep my flock safe from a potential fire.”
However, our reporter couldn’t find one person at the Clemenachi PAWG South Betoota office who appreciated Mulliscoles’ selflessness this morning.
Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning in the designated smoking area of the office block Clemenachi currently leases, account co-managing director executive Lucy Gloch said that if she wakes up sick tomorrow, she’s going to get a cab over to Lindsey’s semi-detached Betoota Heights granny flat and stab him to death with a pair of scissors.
“I’m not even kidding, I’ll do 20 years for it,” she said.
“We’ve got so much on at the moment, I can’t even begin to fathom being sick right now. If that snivelling bag of shit makes me sick, I swear to every God there is, I’ll fucking end him!”
“Now fuck off, I’ve got work to do.”
More to come.