CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
While local man Brent Schumann remains sedentary in his living room couch and catches up on the weekend’s rugby highlights – his recent live-in girlfriend, Maddie, is out the back having a muffled conversation on her mobile phone.
Brent says he can tell by the hissing whispers and tip-toeing that the conversation is something that his girlfriend is trying to keep secret.
“I don’t know what she’s up to our there, but I know she’s being sneaky,”
“I don’t give a shit to be honest. It’s saturday, and I’m getting some serious couch time. She could have another bloke out there for all I care” joked Schumann.
Little does Brent know, the person on the other end of the phone to Maddie is the second most influential women in his life, his mother.
Maddie, and Brent’s mother Peta, have been talking to each other for roughly 22 minutes. The topic of discussion, Brent’s recent lack of exercise and poor diet.
“I’ve tried everything,” says Maddie down the phone to her boyfriend’s mother.
“He’s so sensitive, he acts like a teenage girl,”
“He keeps telling me to stop acting like I don’t ‘love it’ and then he rubs his beer-gut”
Maddie spoke to The Advocate earlier about the perils and pressure she now faces after taking over the role of weight-watcher off Brent’s mother.
Maddie says the mutual concern that both she and Peta share about Brent’s waistline was realised at Christmas time, when she joined his family for a week away at the beach.
“He has only ever worn one style of swimwear,”
“Like most ‘stocky’ gentlemen, he is quite stubborn when it comes to acknowledging the fact that he has thrown on a few kegs…”
“His Budgy Smugglers were way too small… I thought they were going to disappear into abyss of extra baggage,”
“His mum ordered a new pair for him on the first day of our holiday. Thank goodness they arrived the next day… He needed to bump up a few sizes,”
Both Maddie and Peta had decided at the end of their holiday that they would stay in touch and discuss any progress to Brent’s lifestyle. So far there has been none.
“He puts on all this weight at the end of the year because of the drinking and the festive spirit,”
“It’s going to end up being a united front by both me and his mother. A full on intervention,”
“His dad and brothers couldn’t give a shit… They reckon he looks healthier!”
With all health concerns aside, Maddie says the campaign to get Brent to bump down a few X’s has been a great chance for her to bond with his mother.
“She really understands what I’m going through. It’s been a good way to get to know her,” says Maddie, before googling the new milkshake diet that Peta had mentioned earlier.