14 February, 2016. 14:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
ONCE DESCRIBED AS THE great Australian fragrance, Lynx Africa is now being the sole cause of teenage pregnancy across the country.
The independent study commissioned by the department of health suggests that the unique scent is responsible for nearly all under 20 hook ups.
Alarmingly, when combined with Marlboro Golds, Africa becomes even more potent.
However, proponents of the instant spray on sex appeal have lashed out at the study, calling it “fucking bullshit.”
Legendary Sydney rapper, Kerser, says he’s a huge fan of Lynx Africa and will never stop smelling like cigarettes and the landmark deodorant.
“It’s really fuckin etch that some science cunt would even feel brave enough to publish this bullshit,” said the 28-year-old.
“Mate it’s fucking bullshit. I will straight up go the prick who wants to diss Lynx Africa.”
In response to Kerser’s remarks this morning, leader researcher Liam Ingham says he will fight the Campbelltown musician in a McDonald’s carpark if he has to.
Late last year, another study was able to conclude that 7 out of every 10 instances of violence in a McDonald’s was linked to Lynx Africa – which is a statistic that has alarmed authorities.
“You know what’s the most humiliating thing is for a real adlay is?” said Ingham.
“Having your heart stopped by a guy with a Master of Applied Science in a McDonald’s carpark. I will do that to any bum bag wearing, dart stealing, bag of human filth who says anything about my research.”
Unilever, the global corporation that owns the Lynx trademark, has refused to comment on the findings.
Consequently, Africa was almost banned by the NSW government under their sweeping lockout law measures last year. It was feared that the fragrance was fuelling coward-violence but last year’s study failed to conclude to a reasonable doubt.